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The Fart Campaign Being a publicist means you're putting up with a ton of shit from the celebrity you're working with. I had no idea how literally it would turn out when I took the job of representing Amber Rose... I had already interviewed with her and when she offered me a position, I actually declined originally. She seemed exceptionally demanding and what she wanted to accomplish seemed ridiculous. You see, she was quoted as saying, "I have people that want to eat my farts and YOU want to cheat on ME!" She mentioned that she really wanted to drive that point home to her followers and let everyone know exactly what she thought of her cheating ex. But she said she was compassionate to her ex and didn't want to throw it in their face, so she wanted to find a guy that she could degrade in the ex's stead. So I walked away for a couple days and almost accepted a position with a country music star when my phone buzzed. It was Amber Rose. "Hello," I said. "I want to hire you. Triple my offer. You're going to say yes. Show up at my apartment tomorrow with three ideas. We'll run with your best one." And that was it. She hung up the phone and I called my agent to make sure that the offer was real. Amber Rose had actually put the money into my account in full up front. I was signed on for a three month contract and decided to sit down and come up with my ideas tonight. --- When I showed up at her place, she walked me into an office room and sat in a very large, plush leather chair. There was no other furniture in the room, so I stood near the whiteboard. She waved her hand and said, "Begin." I ran through my first two pitches about repairing her image as an independent, dominant woman and it was clear on her face that she hated them. That was when I rolled out the one I imagined she would hate the most... "Ok, so this one is a three month plan. Month one: You make a callout and we highlight your quote about guys wanting to eat your farts. You say you'll hold tryouts and that if someone wants to eat your farts they should show up to a warehouse and we'll have them open their mouth while you fart in their throats. We just use this as a huge opportunity to highlight exactly how many men would actually open their mouths for the express purpose of housing your farts in their mouths. That's month 1, we just hold tryouts and show off exactly how desirable you are." She sat forward in her chair and appeared to be very interested in this idea. I continued, "Then in month 2, we would have a plant in the group and that's the one that you put a collar on and walk them around like their your slave. You would humiliate this person for the entire second month. They would have a collar and a leash and you would walk around with them as your pet, except you would be farting on them in various places. We could get you reservations at an exclusive outdoor restaurant and have your slave with their face up your ass the whole dinner. The pictures would be everywhere and if we could get some videos of you ripping ass on his face? You would blow up. It would give 100% credibility to your quote and prove that people are truly willing to serve as your fart receptacle." She nodded and I gave her the last part of the plan, "Finally, in month three, you take a private, personal video of you pulling down your pants, planting your bare ass on their mouth, and you fart as much as you can. I have a personal editor that can stitch the best sounding farts you rip in that guy's mouth and then you make a personal statement at the end of the video that any guy who thinks they can cheat on you should understand that they're only cheating themselves. That you're someone so amazing that people are willing to allow themselves to serve as your property. Then you release the video and the slave guy is released from your servitude. I'd stay on staff for three months and make sure every single one of your appearances goes as planned and that his face is never seen in a picture, it's all about you. Anytime he's in a picture, his face isn't because it will be so far up your ass that he looks like your tail. People will talk about how perfect you are and about how this guy is lucky to eat your farts. You'd be the most desirable person in Hollywood for parts and dating." There was a silence that hung in the room, but her mouth was agape and she looked positively thrilled. She slowly closed her mouth and then leaned forward. "I want to do the third plan, obviously. I love it. Only one thing." "Of course, what changes would you like to make?" "No changes, per se. Well, maybe one, but I want you to be the plant." I was not thrilled at the idea, "You know that this would mean---" "Yes. It would mean that you would eat my farts. And you will. You will eat plenty of my farts, a LOT of my farts. Nobody would see your face in any photos and you would serve as a my personal fart slave." I was not indignant, but perhaps I could persuade her, "I just think that if it were me eating your farts that you'd get less out of my services..." She smiled, "On the contrary! I'd be getting even more. I'd get your services as a publicist and I'd get your services as a mouth to fart into. There's even a bit of zest to add, but we can cross that bridge when we get to it. Plus, you'd be controlling the photos and videos, so your face would never appear and it wouldn't be anything more than your mouth on my anus." I said, "But... I'm not 100% sure I want to be your fart slave. Is there any way to convince you to use someone else." She stood up, pulled her pants down, and directed her bare ass in my direction, "There's no other way I will do this. You can either give the money back, or you can eat my farts for the next three months. Your choice." I got on my hands and knees, pulled her butt cheeks apart, and placed my open mouth over her pulsing asshole. She farted a short BURRRFFFFFF of a wet fart into my mouth and we had an agreement. --- Phase 1: Tryouts I gave her a script to memorize. The trick was to sound genuine and she actually did a halfway decent job of spouting off how annoyed she was at her last boyfriend cheating on her and how he was lucky to have her. Her line this time was, "You know what? I should do that... I should prove that someone would eat my farts, for real. Don't make it no bullshit, because that's for real. Guys would line up to eat my farts." She was with her friend Black Chyna for the video opp and I had alerted TMZ about the pair. Sure enough, it was on the next edition about how Amber Rose brought up farting in dude's mouths again. The next thing was a simple drop from Amber to a TMZ dude about a warehouse address where guys could line up and eat her farts. The turnout was absolutely astounding. There were over 1,000 guys that lined up for the chance to open their mouths just so she could rip a fart. She told me ahead of time that Blac Chyna wanted in and so guys were kneeling two by two just so they could eat some farts. I was the plant, so I made my way in and I actually got stuck in the Blac Chyna line. She knew I was the plant, so I assumed she was going to move me over. Instead I just kept going along with it, thinking she'd pull back, but instead I was kneeling before her and she smiled, dropped her pants and told me, "Open that mouth up, boy." I obeyed and she slipped my face up her gigantic ass cheeks. My mouth covered her asshole and she laid a nasty rotten egg fart on my tongue. Her gas had an almost liquid feel to it and I rolled her fart around my mouth like it was a fine wine. She laughed and then actually took a small shit in my mouth. I had her fucking turd in my mouth! I swallowed it whole, but the embarrassment was real. She told me to lick her ass clean and that was when she finally made her move. "Hey, Amber, girl! You HAVE to try this one! I just gave him some extra special ass and he took the whole thing! Like he was fucking born to serve at an ass!" Amber walked with a very sexy walk, but then all sexiness faded when she turned her giant ass towards my face and I opened my mouth. They had been cleaning their asses between mouths and Amber ripped an unholy, foul fart that leaked through my nostrils. I started crying and she laughed. "Took my fart in his mouth like a pro. Well, I'm out of farts and this idiot is certainly the winner, but if you want to keep ripping Chyna, fart away." She waved her hands, "Nah, girl. I'm good. I ripped about 10 farts and that was too much. I'll lay the rest in that idiot's mouth." The body guards turned everyone away and they grumbled about how unfair it was. Apparently Amber only farted in 5 guy's mouths, mine was the 6th. Black Chyna only went through 7 dudes. I was worried that since there was such a huge turnout and that not many guys got their mouths farted in it would be a big deal, and it was.... Just in a different way than I ever imagined! The tabloids LOVED it! The blogs ran wild with the idea that she was such a powerful woman pulling powerful moves, some women actually started a blog where users could submit images of themselves farting in the mouths of cheating partners. The women would convince the men they would be forgiven if they ate their ass, and then the bloggers would fart in their mouths. Amber became a hero almost overnight to women everywhere, just by farting in their mouths. After an evening of eating Amber and Chyna's farts, it was agreed that phase one was a huge success. We simply watched the press for the next two weeks, occasionally having Amber tweet out a pic or video of my face in her ass, sometimes with the audio of a real fart blasting down my throat. It was wildly successful. Now that we'd done our job in phase one, it was time for phase two. --- Phase 2: Public Gas The key to this portion of the strategy was simple: Get lots of public shots of a face being up Amber's ass, get her on video while farting in my mouth, and watch how many other guys start to say they'd be willing to eat her farts. She was going to win this break up, she was going to be the face of a new movement for women, and she was going to get tons of people interested in her for parts because she was on fire right now. We were going to a nice restaurant and she came into the room with a bright yellow dress that showed off tons of cleavage and flowed out. You actually couldn't see her butt very well. She saw my confusion and said, "When we get to the restaurant, I'm going to hike my dress up so that you're eating my bare ass. I'm warning you now that I'm going to be letting off some serious gas today, too. I had a ton of broccoli and hummus at lunch. So just come to grips with that. Let's roll, boy." I grabbed the collar that was next to me and put it on. She grabbed the leash I had purchased for this and I walked to the door, where I dropped to my hands and knees. She bent over and put her face close to mine, "You're my fucking slave, now." The door opened and paparazzi started to hound us. We got to the H2, I piled in the back and she started to climb in, turning around and saying, "We're going to Evileigh. Come on by if you want to see me rip some farts into this loser's mouth. I told my ex, people want to eat my farts. Petty, maybe, but I'm still pretending this guy is my ex and I'm proving that people literally want to eat my farts." They started to ask questions, but she shut the door and looked over at me with a smile. I ran her through a few things and she absorbed what was being said. She shifted her dress up and raised her butt cheek off the seat. Then she motioned with her hand for me to.... Well.. You know. My mouth completely covered her anus and she let a slow, hot stream of gas that seared my mouth. Her hot fart stuck on my tongue and I felt almost ill when I realized I would be putting up with this kind of horrible gas for the next few hours. I waited with my mouth over her asshole so she wouldn't have to smell the fart I was eating. It was truly rancid and I'm sure the driver appreciated me taking the fart so the entire car didn't have to suffer. We got out and I crawled like a dog behind her, staring up at Amber's huge ass. The hostess laughed and told her she was a huge fan of her proving that other men are willing to step up and treat women like the Goddesses they are. Our plan was working pretty amazingly. She hiked up her dress and I started lapping away. We had paid some paparazzi to snap the shots and there was even a video of her letting off a fart. The sound was muffled, but TMZ talked about her hot farts in my mouth for 5 minutes. It was the longest segment on, and CNN even called us about it. Amber sat with her ass in my face the entire dinner, which was only a couple of hours, but she let about five farts in my mouth. It was incredibly foul, but I couldn't have argued with her anyways. When we got in the car, she sat over my mouth again and then let a monster fart rip. It was so loud that the driver was actually startled. Everyone was laughing at her gas swirling in my mouth... Everyone but me. --- Phase 3: The Final Humiliation We plotted four other face farting events and she still carried herself with the same nonchalance while she farted in my mouth. She certainly gave off a feeling of not caring about me and kept me around as her "slave" around the house long after our planned events. She would record farting in my mouth and post them on Instagram. She even started using a hashtag, #mouthfartingmuvas for a movement to get women to fart in their men's mouths. It was so insanely successful that farting in your man's mouth was finally the way to "prove it was real". Men were letting it happen because the women wanted to prove to them that they were the ones that needed to step it up. Walking into her office, I felt a heaviness in the air. "You're going to have to do something beyond what we initially discussed," Amber said. "And... What's that?" She didn't speak, but rather stood up and curled her finger in lieu of telling me to follow her. I followed and we entered into the basement, but there on the tile floor was three cameras at different angles, all pointed at a currently unoccupied toilet seat with nothing below it. I started shaking my head, but she simply walked over to the seat and took her place atop the throne. "Get into place and eat my shit." She didn't look at me, she was simply staring at the camera, ready for her speech. I got on my hands and knees and crawled underneath her. Her giant ass hung over the sides of the seat, but my vision started focusing on her asshole. She farted a small "pffff" and the scent was worse than normal. She began speaking, "Muvas. It's time that I put this man in his place, once and for all. I don't know if you need to shit on your man, but I do know that my ex has finally understood that there are men out there wanting to eat my farts, BEGGING to eat my shit. I oblige because men must understand that your woman is not to be taken for granted. She is a Goddess, and if you will not treat her as such, someone else will. Now... Time for me to take a shit in someone's mouth." She relaxed and a very dark brown turd began to emerge, the stench noting the arrival of her shit that was about to be in my mouth and consumed. My mouth stretched open and the turd slid from her colon and went to the back of my throat as I closed my mouth to chew. If you've ever had shit in your mouth, the taste is fucking horrendous. There's nothing quite that awful in the world, and the consistency has a slime to it. She was nodding her head and then opened her mouth as she felt the next turd rush from her anus and collapsed onto my face. "Thank you for shitting on my face." I could almost feel her smile, but then instead I heard a wet fart and then felt a rush of sludge that went up my nose and in my mouth. I wanted to cough, but instead her shit was swallowed and then I was able to clean my nose and gulped her waste down. Her shit literally lined my nose and I could smell nothing but her dump. She kept me right underneath her ass when she let one more turd fall. "Keep that turd on your face. Keep my shit on your face until I tell you to eat it." She stood up and started taking pictures of me eating her shit and videos of her telling me to eat her turd. When I did she laughed and then sat back down. It was posted on Instagram and her phone went insane with buzzing. I knew we'd done well. --- For weeks after people were talking about how amazing Amber Rose was for taking a shit on my face and for farting in my mouth, treating me like a slave. When my contract ended I met her in her office and sat down. "Why are you in the chair? Get on your knees." "My contract is up, we discussed this. I'm done." "You are not being paid for that contract. You are my property now. I enjoyed using your mouth on my ass. That is your new life." My shock almost took my voice, but instead to my own surprise I started to crawl towards her. She turned around and stuck her huge jeans covered ass my direction. "Put your face in my ass and smell my fart if you agree to serve as my property. I will own you." I guess something came over me and I placed my face between her giant ass cheeks and she farted. I inhaled and she smiled. "I own you." It's been a few months now, but serving as a slave has it's perks. Perks like all the shit I can eat and smelling the farts of her and Blac Chyna all day. Famous people like her just deserve to shit all over the commoners like myself. It was nice knowing she got what she deserved. |
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