Knowing Defeat
by test715

(Warning: Contains F/F facesitting, fart torture, and implied scat. The farts are also lethal, but the victim respawns so it’s not dark)

—Alys' Journal—

Attempt 2

After the utter disaster of my first encounter with Malenia, I’ve decided to document my attempts to resolve my predicament with her; both to help strategize how to deal with this disgusting demigod and to allow me time to recover between bouts of suffocating on her flatulence.

These words are intended for my eyes only, and I will take every possible precaution to ensure not another soul lays eyes upon this journal. To that end, I’ve enchanted this book to self-immolate upon completing my mission. The threat of these humiliating writings becoming my legacy should serve as sufficient motivation to never give up.

Besides the goals mentioned above, some of my fellow scholars have theorized putting unpleasant memories to writing can be therapeutic. Truth be told, I don’t see how documenting my trauma in vivid detail could ever make me feel better. Even now, with a fresh body and in the safety of the Roundtable, I can still smell her horrific wind worming its way into my nostrils and defiling my senses… I suppose I’ll just have to take my peers at their word, though blind faith isn’t exactly a prominent attribute in sorceresses. At least not the good ones.

Regardless, I’ve procrastinated recalling my unpleasant memories long enough…

For my second attempt, I thought diplomacy might still be an option. The fact that I’m writing this entry should speak to how well that went.

My hope was that killing me once might have satisfied her rage, or at least gotten rid of most of her gas. I can now confidently attest that neither of those statements are, or ever shall be, true. I’d be better off waiting for the Erdtree to die of age before she forgives me or runs out of flatulence.

As soon as I walked in, she began menacingly approaching me without a word. I tried reasoning with her, saying that if she’d just let me run a few experiments then perhaps her intestinal distress might be cured, but unsurprisingly she didn’t trust me. She instead lunged towards me and grabbed my head, still completely silent. She effortlessly pressed my face against her arse without so much as a grunt of exertion. Given our height difference, she didn’t even have to bend her knees.

Rather than being shoved face first into her crack, we were instead “cheek-to-cheek”, as they say. At the time I considered not having my nose aligned with her hole to be a mercy, though in hindsight this likely prolonged my death by a few agonizing seconds. Was this her intent, or merely coincidence?

After an expectedly futile struggle, I began noticing the finer details of my unfortunate position. Against my face I felt the outer layer of Malenia’s armor. Her outer garb, while pleasantly soft, still reeked of her previous emissions. Her gas had permeated the very fibers, resulting in a nauseating warmth and odor I suspect will never fade. The lingering stench wasn’t bad enough to kill me, but it still made my eyes water and stomach churn.

Beneath that I could feel her expertly crafted chainmail pressing into me, undoubtedly leaving a noticeable imprint upon my cheek. It softly clinked whenever I tried to turn my head away, but I often couldn’t hear it over the sounds of my own panicked breaths.

Below her chainmail, I couldn’t determine whether or not Malenia was wearing undergarments. Truth be told I’m unsure which option I prefer. Either she’s been wearing the same vile, unwashed panties for gods-know how long, or there’s one less layer shielding me from her fetid wind. I have the sinking suspicion I’ll eventually learn the truth of the matter, whether I wish to or not.

Whatever the case, underneath that was the source of my torment: Malenia’s arse. Even with the layers separating us, I could tell her haunches were firm and lean; as one would expect from a legendary warrior. Despite her long slumber, she was still in peak physical condition.

I should note that “lean” doesn’t mean “small” when discussing a woman of her stature. Each cheek was easily larger than my skull, and I have little doubt my head would disappear from sight entirely should I ever have the misfortune of being wedged between them.

The final detail which struck was how tightly clenched her arse was, as if she was withholding her gas at the expense of her own comfort. I’m unsure why she’d go through the trouble, though my working theory is that she’s a sadist, “playing” with her food to prolong my humiliation for as long as possible. She certainly holds a grudge against me, and that’d also explain why she prolonged my death by not aligning my nose with her crack. I pray I’m merely overthinking this, but I can’t shake the terrible suspicion that I’m not…

Whatever the case, a short while later Malenia finally let loose, and I immediately found myself longing for her prior silence. My ears painfully rang from her deafening blast, as if I had been next to the barrel of a firing cannon. While I could no longer hear the deep bellow of her ongoing release, I could still feel it rumbling against my cheek and feel its sickening warmth spread across my face. I held my breath until my lungs ached, but they inevitably gave out and I had the misfortune of inhaling her fetid wind once more.

My thoughts become hazy from this point on, and not just because the tears in my eyes clouded my vision. I recall a vile, burning stench filling my lungs, prompting my body to struggle with ferocity I didn’t know I possessed. I recall desperately clawing at Malenia’s flesh to put even an inch between my face and her arse, and my tormentor’s utter indifference to my suffering. I recall a blur of cursing, spitting, biting, coughing, retching, and crying… I’m unsure how long this all lasted, but it felt like an eternity. I suppose technically, it did last a lifetime. Ha ha...

I’m not certain, but there’s a decent chance I soiled myself prior to dying as well. Perhaps it’s better if I remain ignorant. I suspect my mind is doing what it can to mitigate the trauma involved in dying to a demigod’s flatulence, but there’s only so much a mortal brain can handle.

During a brief moment of lucidity near the end, I noticed she was holding my head in place with her fleshy hand rather than her prosthetic. I wondered if this was purely random, if she chose to use her cured hand subconsciously, or if she’s just a sadistic bitch who wanted to relish the feeling of me struggling against her.

Either way, my pondering was quickly put to rest as another gust of fetid wind filled my lungs. I went limp as the life finally left my eyes, before awaking at the nearby grace in a cold sweat. I wasn’t nearly as sullen compared to my first death, but I still needed a moment to regain my bearings. Once I had, I decided I’d need to develop a new strategy if I were to have any chance of success. Which brings me here…

While Malenia may not forgive me of her own volition, there may be another way. This isn’t the first time I’ve had an Empyrean want to kill me, and I still have some celestial dew left over from my time with Ranni. Perhaps I should undergo another Absolution? If it could grant me the forgiveness of one Empyrean, I don’t see why it wouldn’t work on another. While Ranni’s recent actions are concerning, she did still wed me after I underwent the rite so it must have done something. Drinking some sacred dew is certainly better than choking to death on rotten gas for the third time.

Attempt 3

Well, I’ve learned two valuable lessons.

1. The rite of Absolution didn’t work.

2. Empyreans loathe even the mention of it.

After absolving myself exactly as I had done before, I was eager to rub in my “victory”. I entered the chamber and found Malenia waiting as usual. She must have noticed the smug expression on my face, as rather than approaching me, she paused and allowed me to speak.

I told her that I had undergone the rite, and that I was prepared to leave our grievances in the past. As I spoke, I noticed her jaw and fists clench in rage. That should have been my signal to run. Perhaps if I had, I might have made it to the safety of grace.

Instead I took a moment to relish overcoming yet another Empyrean with my wit, giving Malenia the opportunity to lunge towards me and throw me to the ground like a ragdoll. As I groaned miserably in the mud, she then proceeded to rummage through my belongings and smash every bottle of celestial dew in my possession against my head.

Let me tell you, those things are a lot more durable than you’d expect. I’ve no idea how they’re forged, but those bottles are built to last.

Unfortunately for me, my thick skull was even more durable. Several welts, bruises, and concussions later, I had the misfortune of still living. I was normally quite proud of my ever strengthening resilience, but in my current predicament it was more burden than boon.

Once the strikes finally ceased, I slowly opened my eyes and saw the blurry silhouette of Malenia standing over me. I just groaned and closed my eyes, awaiting for my senses to be abused yet again. But it seemed Malenia had something else in mind. Rather than squatting over me as she had before, she instead began falling onto my face without even trying to slow her descent.

You may be wondering if it’s possible to survive the full weight of an armored giantess plummeting arse-first onto your face. The answer is a definitive ‘no’.

Not that I’m complaining, mind you. It’s certainly preferable to suffocating on her gas again. While morbid, I’ve come to appreciate the mercy of an instant death, even if it wasn’t Malenia’s intent. She had likely intended to torment me with her wind as she had before, but in her anger forgot to be gentle with my comparatively frail body. She’s probably not used to holding back against her foes, though I suspect she won’t make this mistake twice.

As for why the Absolution only worked temporarily on Ranni and didn’t work at all on Malenia, I haven’t a clue. I followed the exact same steps both times: I walked to the altar, drank the celestial dew, and repented my transgressions. Was I not genuine enough? If that was the case, then surely Ranni wouldn’t have wed me? I suppose it doesn’t matter anymore, now that all my bottles have been broken.

While I could attempt to scavenge some more and try again, I don't see the point. I’ve now accepted that I’ll have to best Malenia in combat to proceed. A difficult task… but not impossible. I’ve felled several demigods already, and while she is an Empyrean, she is still merely flesh. It may take dozens of tries, it may take a grave toll on my sanity, but I believe my success to be inevitable. After all, she only has to fail once, while I can perish as many times as necessary to achieve victory.

Who knows? Perhaps I might even get lucky and defeat her my next attempt!

(The journal continues for hundreds of pages)

Attempt 6

I have attempted to duel Malenia honorably thus far, hoping she’d at least do me the courtesy of wielding her blade. If I’m to be slain repeatedly, then I’d much rather be skewered than continue to choke to death on her fetid wind. Unfortunately she still doesn’t consider me a worthy opponent, deserving of a swift death. And after how miserably I fared against her subsequently, I can’t say I fault her judgement…

I've managed to dodge a couple grabs and hit her with a few spells, but within a minute I'd always slip up, be pinned down, and the demigod would have her way with me… And not in a mutually enjoyable way.

After suffocating on her gas several more times, I decided to hell with honor; I should summon a spirit to assist me.

What an awful mistake that turned out be.

I had chosen Latenna, the Albinauric woman who has accompanied me throughout most of my journey. She is a skilled archer who, in spite of her nonfunctioning legs, has been an invaluable asset in prior battles. Yet despite her considerable skill, Malenia proved to be an unprecedented challenge. My companion only managed to fire a few volleys before being… “defeated”. That's the polite way of putting it, at least.

I had assumed that only I would be subjected to the terrible power of Malenia’s bowels, but even fighting alongside me was enough to earn the demigod’s disgusting ire. Because of Latenna’s limited mobility, it was trivial for Malenia to walk up to her, perch on the poor woman’s head, and let loose. Latenna’s expression changed from stoic determination, to bewilderment, to horror; until her face disappeared from sight entirely underneath the Empyrean’s massive armored arse. In hindsight, summoning a defenseless cripple to fight against an opponent who favored grabs was a terrible idea.

Given her face's precarious position, it doesn't take much foresight to know what happened next. I had never given much thought towards whether or not spirits were capable of smell before now. After witnessing Latenna’s flailing arms and muffled screaming, I can now say with certainty they are. I wish I could say she at least succumbed to Malenia's fumes quickly, but she unfortunately proved far more durable than both I and Malenia anticipated. In total, it took six lengthy, point-blank blasts to finally finish her.

Tragically, Latenna’s ignoble sacrifice was in vain. Before my companion's incorporeal body had even faded away, the swordswoman was already halfway to me. I had been so disturbed by the manner of Latenna’s defeat that I failed to capitalize on the potentially valuable distraction she provided, and I was quickly thrown to the ground and had my face mounted as well. The demigod's backside still reeked of the stench which had done Latenna in. A naive part of me hoped Malenia might have expelled most of her gas onto Latenna’s face, and that I might still be able to fight back. I quickly learned this was not the case. A few fetid gusts later and I shared my companion’s fate.

Despite how poorly this attempt went, I’m inclined to try summoning Latenna again to see if we have any better luck going forward. I’d normally say “It’s not like things could go any worse than last time”, but I’m done giving this cruel land more opportunities to prove me wrong. I already feel terrible enough as it is, the last thing I need is false hope making me feel even worse.

Attempt 7

Well, I was right. Things did get worse.

The second time with Latenna went similarly to the first, with the immobile archer being sat on almost instantaneously by Malenia. The only difference was that Latenna didn’t even try fighting back this time. As soon as she was summoned, she tried crawling away to escape the demigod as fast as she could. It bought her a few seconds of freedom, but didn’t save her.

While Latenna’s will to fight might have faltered, I was at least able to take advantage of the distraction she provided. With my spells peppering her, Malenia could no longer take her time tormenting my ally. To hasten her victim’s death, Malenia forced Latenna’s mouth open and shoved the Albinauric underneath her armored skirt. The subsequent echo made it obvious where Latenna’s mouth had been positioned.

The muffled wet sputtering of Malenia’s gas reverberating through that poor woman’s mouth was truly horrific. After both witnessing Malenia’s gaseous execution from a distance and experiencing it myself, I feel uniquely qualified to say the sound is more disturbing to bystanders than the victim. As a victim, you can’t hear much due to being deafened by the blast, and even if you could, you’d be too overwhelmed by the ungodly stench (and if you're particularly unlucky, taste) to care about how it sounds.

While forcing her horrific gas down Latenna’s spectral throat, Malenia barely seemed to pay any attention to her. Instead she glared at me the entire time she broke wind, as if to say “You did this to her, and you’re next.”

And to her credit, she was absolutely right.

While I had managed to get a few spells out that attempt, all I seemed to accomplish was further pissing her off. She grabbed me by the neck and forced my head underneath her skirt, looking up at her massive arse. It was sweltering in there; both from her body heat and the lingering gas which had slain my companion. Although dark, I could still see well enough to determine she was wearing underwear. They were surprisingly mundane for a demigod’s, similar to my own only much larger and far fouler.

I only had a few seconds to “appreciate” the stained panties above me before my senses were assaulted with the vilest stench in the land. Without her armor serving as a barrier, the force and stench of her flatulence were greatly magnified. It only took one breath in to slay me… I think. My memory tends to be hazy while choking to death.

Attempt 8

The third time went much better for Latenna… And much worse for me. I was under the impression summoned spirits would obey me unconditionally, but it turns out even they have limits. And aapparently being sat on by an Empyrean and farted on twice was Latenna’s

As soon as I summoned her, Latenna turned around and fired her bow at my foot. I had hoped my time being target practice for Albinauric archers was at an end, but alas the spectral arrow struck true. Malenia appeared surprised for a moment, before giving Latenna a nod of approval. Her betrayal had the effect she desired, causing Malenia to ignore her and go straight to me. I was too busy cursing and drinking Crimson Tears to notice Malenia’s approach, not that it would have mattered if I had. Several miserable minutes I won’t dignify with a description later, and I was returned to the site of grace.

As angry as Latenna’s betrayal made me at the time, in retrospect I can’t say I blame her. I’d probably have done the same in her position. Though the loss of a valuable ally for my most difficult fight is unfortunate.

If I were to attempt to summon another companion, I’d have to ensure they were fully under my command. My theory is that only sapient spirits would be capable of disobeying me, but I’d have to ask a Spirit Tuner to know for sure. While Roderika is readily available, she’d likely ask for details that I have no intention of sharing. I could always make something up, but I’m a terrible liar. I don’t think she’d pry, but that’s not a risk I’m willing to take.

Hm… Perhaps I’d have better luck with a Mimic Tear.

Attempt 9

I did not have better luck with a Mimic Tear.

What I did have was the highly unpleasant experience of being smothered under a perfect replica of my own arse. Malenia ripped my doppelgänger’s robes from her body then shoved my face into my mimic’s exposed backside. Despite its spectral appearance, I can personally attest that it felt (and smelled) quite real to me.

As proud as I am of my firm-yet-shapely rear, I’d be lying if I said it smelled of flowery oils and perfumes. Instead, it smelled like the arse of a woman who had been neglecting her hygiene due to the stresses involved with fighting a demigod. Sometimes it takes being ears-deep in one’s own backside to realize how bad it’s gotten.

On a more positive note, I’m proud to say the many miles I’ve walked on my arduous journey have done wonders for my glutes. Though perhaps a bit more fat on my arse would have done me some good. I might have quickly suffocated to death between my cheeks, rather than having the endure what happened next.

Rather than simply waiting for me to run out of air between my clone’s cheeks, Malenia instead broke wind down my summon’s throat until she perished, upon which her body did what all bodies do upon death…

While on my face.

…I can only imagine Ranni’s glee upon witnessing my frenzied writhing, as my senses were abused and I lamented my ignoble fate.

The only mercy is that some of Malenia’s gas had traveled through the mimic tear’s bowels as well, so I did not have to endure that revolting hell for long. Needless to say, I don’t think I’ll be summoning any additional spirits for the foreseeable future.

Attempt 16

I fear I’ve just, quite literally, thrown away any chance of getting Malenia to wield her blade against me.

Since her sword had been lying on the ground during our fights, I decided I might as well attempt to use it against her. While I’m far too weak to wield such a massive armament directly, I’m more than capable of manipulating it with gravity magic. I levitated it off the floor, made it spin rapidly, then hurled it at my foe with as much force as I could muster. I had turned Malenia’s infamous blade into a terrifying metallic cyclone; a threat that even she couldn’t ignore.

My strategy was crude, but effective, and for a few glorious moments it seemed I had the upper hand. I’d send the blade hurtling towards Malenia at extraordinary speeds, which the demigod would either deflect with her prosthetics or sidestep entirely, then I’d send it flying back before she could reach me. If I just continued my assault, I knew Malenia would eventually slip up and victory would be mine.

Emboldened by overconfidence, I began neglecting aiming in favor of overwhelming Malenia with faster, more powerful strikes. A strategy which quickly came to bite me in the arse when Malenia ducked under the flying blade and I found myself standing directly in its path.

Upon seeing the deadly twister hurtling towards me and not wishing to be bisected while on the cusp of victory, I let out a girlish screech unbecoming of an aspiring lord and hastily cast a gravity shockwave. My spell was perfectly timed; sending the weapon hurtling away from me… and directly through the hole in the ceiling with the speed of a cannonball. Where it landed I have no clue. It may have made it all the way to Limgrave for all I know.

It was a truly impressive deflection; one I doubt I could have ever achieved deliberately. Unfortunately, Malenia didn’t share my appreciation for the million-in-one shot. Her weapon was truly one-of-a-kind; built to slot into her prosthetic arm so she might wield it as an extension of herself. While she may have not been using it at the moment, it was clear Malenia was none too pleased to have had her infamous blade blasted away to gods know where.

A displeasure she clearly demonstrated by shoving my face underneath her armored dress and waterboarding me with her sweat-drenched panties. I didn’t even know she was capable of sweating until then, which made it come as a particularly nasty surprise.

Still… As revolting as the salty stench of defeat was, it was nice knowing I at least made her work for it this time. And as far as suffocating in a demigod’s sweaty arse goes, I like to think I handled mine with some amount of dignity. I didn't even fry my vocal chords screaming that time!

I was eventually put out of my misery by a lengthy wet fart. As to whether its wetness was from her sweat or of a more distressing origin: I do not know and have no desire to.

Though it is disheartening I won’t be able to utilize her legendary blade for future attempts, I remain optimistic I shall discover an even better strategy soon enough. And when that time comes, victory shall be mine.

Attempt 28

The bitch is just toying with me now.

She didn’t even break wind on me this time, at least not immediately. What she did instead was take off her panties, forced my mouth open, then shoved her wretched undergarments inside. They could barely even fit in there, being custom-built for a woman of her size, but that didn’t stop her from doing it anyway.

I then had the uniquely horrific experience of sucking on underwear which had gone ages without so much as touching water, let alone soap. They were as flavorful as they were fragrant, tasting primarily of the gas which had killed me numerous times already, dried sweat, and a stale (but no less vile) aftertaste I suspect came from spending a millennia underneath her rotten arse.

Naturally I tried to spit them out, but Malenia effortlessly held my mouth shut to ensure I experienced the flavor fully. I couldn’t be certain, thanks to my inflated cheeks and teary eyes, but I’m pretty sure her normally stoic face was smirking as she watched me squirm.

Perhaps that’s why she remains in that chamber of hers, patiently awaiting my return instead of exploring the outside world… My suffering has become sport for her. I had never taken Malenia as a sadist prior to meeting her, imagining her instead as a noble warrior stoically enduring a terrible affliction, but being repeatedly slain under someone's foul arse tends to negatively color your perspective of them. Though to be fair, I suppose being cursed with never-ending lethal gas would anger me as well.

Whatever the case, I could only weakly pry at her hands as I tried not to think about the stain I felt against my tongue, until finally my strength faded and I collapsed to the ground. My view of the ceiling was quickly blocked off by the Empyrean’s imposing backside, and within moments I was under it once again.

After that, she didn’t even grant me the mercy of a quick death… She just sat perched atop my face, tinkering with her prosthetics as I writhed under her. As vile as her panties were, they weren’t enough to kill me. They merely sapped me of any energy I might use to struggle free. Thanks to her armor, I couldn’t even bite her arse without chipping a tooth on chainmail.

And so, with no method of escape and her deliberately withholding her gas to prolong my misery, I closed my eyes and waited. How long I cannot say, but at some point I managed to fall asleep. Despite the horrid flavor and considerable weight on my face, exhaustion gradually overtook me and I fell into a somewhat restful slumber beneath the goddess’ rump.

I was awoken sometime later by a loud gurgle, which my hazy, sleep-interrupted mind didn’t comprehend until I was already being barraged with flatulence. Before I could even get my bearings, I was dead.

When I revived, I discovered her foul undergarments had remained in my mouth. A “gift” from my mortal enemy. I promptly spat them out and rinsed out my mouth with soapy water. I then attempted to tear apart the wretched panties as an outlet for my anger, but found them frustratingly durable. I debated whether I should toss them off a bridge at the Volcano Manor instead, before I was struck by a far more cathartic idea.

One day, however long it might take, Malenia WILL be defeated by my hand. And when that day comes I will not grant her the mercy of a noble warrior’s death. It will be SHE who witnesses true horror. She believes mere intestinal distress to be the worst possible affront to her honor? I will relish showing her just how much lower she can sink; robbing her of whatever scraps of dignity she doesn’t even know she still has.

(The writing becomes feverish, and barely legible)

When she falls to me, I shall strip her of both armor and prosthetics, wrap her in chains, gag her with both my wretched underwear and her own, then march her beaten, naked body to my throne at the capital. Then everyone in MY kingdom, from the highest noble to the lowliest peasant, shall witness me force her head against the seat of my throne before defiling her face as she did mine.

No… Worse even.

I shall turn the deadliest of the Empyreans into nothing more than my personal latrine; where she shall serve as a living testament to the fate of those who oppose me for the remainder of her miserable, possibly eternal life. She shall watch me live a happy, deathless life as the beloved Elden Lord of the Lands Between, all the while her mouth shall be my chamberpot and her long, fiery hair, the very symbol of her divine heritage, shall be used to wipe my arse until it is stained beyond recognition.

And then, once she has utterly succumbed to despair and been reduced to a catatonic shell of her former self, I shall force her to drink a Tonic of Forgetfulness and start over. She shall be reintroduced to her pathetic existence by having her face submerged in the Leyndell sewers, before I-

(The following eight pages have been torn out)

Attempt 29

Okay, uh…Wow.

Upon re-reading my prior entry (and blushing profusely while doing so), I admit I may have gotten somewhat carried away. I’ve since taken the liberty of tearing out my depraved ramblings, as they are completely unhelpful to my goal of defeating Malenia and honestly kind of scare me. As cathartic as writing out my fantasies of victory were, they certainly were rather… intense.

After dying yet again, I’ve since calmed down considerably. Death has a truly unparalleled sobering effect; like being splashed with icy water. Only instead of “icy water”, I’m of course referring to “sweltering gas” in my case.

As for specific details regarding my most recent demise, I decided to try wearing armor. The toughest and heaviest I could find. Though I soon discovered I likely would have fared better fighting naked. I could barely walk in the unwieldy metal suit, let alone dodge, but my hope was that if I was too heavy to grab then I wouldn’t need to move, and that a mostly airtight helmet would shield me from most of her gas. In retrospect I realize the staggering stupidity of such a plan, but at time my mind was clouded by bloodlust.

After suiting up and stumbling my way down the steps and into her chambers, I was further enraged by Malenia, whose emotions until now almost exclusively consisted of various degrees of contempt and boredom, audibly snorting at my (admittedly absurd) appearance. I tried to shut her up by casting a spell, but discovered I couldn’t even grab my staff on my back due to my limited mobility. This only served to amuse my opponent further, which in turn made me more determined to make my ill-conceived plan work.

As I clumsily attempted to arm myself, Malenia was free to casually approach and give me a light push, sending me toppling backwards. Rather than going straight for the kill, she instead crossed her arms and watched me struggle to get back on my feet. I swear I could even hear her chuckle softly as I attempted to roll onto my stomach, but I can’t even blame her. I must have looked utterly ridiculous…

After expending my remaining energy trying to stand, I eventually accepted the futility of my plan, huffed, and prepared myself for yet another ignoble end. An end Malenia was more than happy to provide as she pulled up her armor and sat her naked arse on my helm. For a moment I thought she might crush it under her massive weight, but she took great care not to crush both it, and by extension my skull. Lucky me.

With her panties now discarded, I now had the distinct displeasure of coming face to face with the source of my torment. The meager light streaming into my helmet was eclipsed by Malenia’s massive arse; her anus perfectly aligned with the helm’s right eye socket. It was so close I could feel the heat coming off of it; whatever safety I once felt in the cramped armor now replaced by claustrophobia.

I wasn’t sure what I had been expecting in regards to Malenia's pucker, but I found myself surprised at how mundane it appeared. This ring of pink, wrinkled flesh was all that separated my face from the horrors which laid within the demigod’s bowels? Sure it was considerably larger than any arsehole I'd seen before, but other than that it was just so… human.

And what’s more it was spotless; not a blemish, drop of sweat, or speck of filth in sight. In fact, and perhaps this is just because all the gas I’ve inhaled has permanently damaged how I perceive smells, I couldn’t help but think it smelled… good? With her panties no longer retaining the stench, enough time had passed since my last attempt for any lingering gas to fully dissipate, leaving behind a musky and slightly sweet odor similar to the scarlet flowers which had bloomed outside.

If I wasn’t painfully aware of the horrific miasma lurking on the other side of the sphincter, and my many deaths under the demigod’s backside hadn’t ruined my once-ironclad attraction to fine arses, I might have even enjoyed my position.

As I found myself staring into the twitching hole looming over me, I heard a soft grunt and witnessed it open up; her fetid wind filling the interior of my helm with a thunderous echo. As much as the thought sickens me, I couldn’t help but imagine the experience would be akin to being inside the demigod's chamber pot: dark, deafening, and deadly. Uncomfortably warm as well…

I held my breath as she continued to unload onto me. Not to prolong my suffering; quite the opposite. I knew by now that depriving myself of oxygen before sharply inhaling her fumes would quickly overwhelm my senses, leading to as quick and painless a death as one could hope for given the circumstances. Still, having my face barraged by a massive demigod’s even more massive farts in the meantime was… unpleasant, to say the least.

It wasn’t long before the temperature inside the helm became sweltering. As I began to sweat in the sauna-like environment of my armor, the similarities to being inside Malenia’s chamberpot once again entered my mind. I wondered if Empyreans were even capable of producing waste, or if their unique physiology rendered them incapable. For all the horrors Malenia had personally inflicted on me, I could at least be thankful they were purely gaseous in nature.

I’m unsure if Malenia’s even capable of producing solid waste, or if I’ve just been lucky she fasted for years as she slumbered. Based on the lethality of her gas, I shudder to imagine how horrific her dung would be. I can only pray that I’ll never find out. Leave such accursed knowledge to the All-Knowing, I say.

In any case, my plan worked. Once my lungs reached their limit, I inhaled with all my might and next thing I knew I was reviving at the nearby site of grace. I then promptly sold my armor, put my fine robes back on, and got to work on a new strategy.

(The penmanship becomes uneven and sloppy. The pages have seemingly been stained by wine)

Attempt 38? 41?? Who Bloody Cares

Ughhh. I died. Again. Having troubel remembering how. Was gonna write about it, but N̶e̶p̶h̶l̶i N̶e̶f̶e̶l̶l̶i N̶e̶l̶f̶i̶l̶i̶ ̶L̶o̶o b̶a̶r̶b̶r̶a̶r̶i̶e̶n̶ ̶m̶o̶m̶m̶y the strong lady notised I was sad and gave me something to drank. Think it was some kind of wine… After finishing the bottle I broke the bottle after finishing it so I forget what kind.

Nelfeli is so nice and strong… I want to lick her abs so bad, but I don’t think Rannni would like that… Isn’t it even cheating if I don’t take my clothes off, and your ghost doll wife doesn’t visit anymore? I thought marrying an Empirian would be fun, but being a consort is alot harder than I thought….. Almost as hard as fighting Malenlia

Oh right I’m suposed to think of a new plan for her. Since fighting goes bad in robes and VERY bad in armor, then maybe I should fight naked so I’m to fast for her to grab?

One on hand it makes sense and I think is a very good idea. On the other hand Malinia might think I’m trying to seduce her. She hasn’t had sex in a REALLY long time and wanted to marry me before I made her fart a lot, so she might not be able to resist seeing my very hot naked body. She is very big and strong and I don’t think I would survive sex with her.

On the third hand, maybe that’s a good distraction? If I can get her to take off her clothes then I could steal them and she would no longer have any armor which would make it easier to beat her. Or maybe if I am really good at sex she will stop trying to kill me. If Rammi doesn’t like that plan she could always tell me.

Fuck it, thinking right now hurts my head and planing never works for me anyway. I’m just gonna head there naked and improvize.

Attempt 40 (I think?)

Oh gods I just read my last entry. The good news is I wasn't killed last night. The bad news is... pretty much everything else.

I had hoped my memories of last night had merely been a drunken hallucination, but my prior writings and the splitting headache I had upon awaking unfortunately indicate otherwise. Just when I thought my pride couldn’t be sullied further, I’ve somehow managed to reach a new low. And the worst part is I can’t even blame Malenia for it.

As much as I wish to forget what occurred, the purpose of this journal is to document my failures so I may not repeat them. And if my prior attempt doesn’t qualify as a failure, then I must wonder what does.

From what I recall, I stripped naked and tipsily stumbled into Malenia’s arena with the ill-conceived idea to seduce the Empyrean who wants me dead, and frequently achieves her wish. The next step of my “plan” (a term I use extremely generously) was to wait for her to take off her armor so I could fling it away with a powerful gravity spell, much like I had done with her sword.

Upon realizing I had left my staff with my clothes, I then had to improvise and find a way to lure her upstairs so I might retrieve it. I believe I told her: “Oh no, I’m totally defenseless! I’d really hate it if we had sex on that big flower upstairs! I bet it’d make Ranni really mad~!” I'm paraphrasing of course, I doubt I was nearly so coherent. This was then followed by what I believe was an attempt to wink flirtatiously, though I'm pretty sure I just blinked slowly.

After taking a moment to process the bizarre sight in front of her, Malenia then proceeded to calmly walk up to me, put her hands under my arms, and lift me up until I was eye level with her. I now recognize the expression on her face to be one of bewilderment, though at the time I believed this to be her considering my proposition. I then tried to sweet talk her. Or more accurately, I slurred a few incomprehensible words together before drunkenly belching in her face mid-sentence.

I’m honestly surprised she didn’t kill me then and there. Considering she tightened grip her grip enough to bruise my arms, I’m sure she very much wanted to. For better or worse, she resisted the temptation; effortlessly tossing me over her shoulders before carrying me out of her arena and up the stairs. I distinctly recall the bobbing of each step making me nauseous. The bitter aftertaste of bile I awoke with makes me think I got sick at some point during the night, though I cannot recall when.

Upon reaching the site of grace at the top of the steps, she then dropped me on the ground and just stared at the sorry sight before her. Despite my hard landing, I interpreted this as her admiring my body, which prompted me to strike what I must’ve thought to be a lewd, sexy pose. Whether this was before or after I threw up, I am unsure. Could’ve been during for all I know.

Shockingly, Malenia didn’t undress, lay on the cold stone floor, and immediately make love to the fine specimen before her. She instead gave me a look of contempt, disgust, and (for the first time) pity. One that said “This woman wishes to become Elden Lord? And I offered to take her as consort?”

Rather than taking advantage of my defenseless state and finishing me, she instead turned around and walked back to her arena. I can only assume I made myself too pathetic to kill, which given some of my other humiliating failures is quite the achievement. Either that, or she knew the hangover I’d awake to would be worse than anything she could do to me.

My last memory is of me getting up and trying to follow her, before slipping and hitting my head on the hard floor. Not enough to kill me unfortunately, for I am thick headed in more ways than one, just enough to give me the mother of all headaches when I woke up.

As shameful as that attempt was, the fact that Malenia let me live is interesting. I had previously considered peace to be unobtainable, but maybe I was mistaken? Perhaps if I grovel before her (this time while clothed and sober), we might be able to form some sort of truce? While such behavior is hardly becoming of a lord, neither is being slain repeatedly by flatulence. And with the awful headache I currently have, I’d very much prefer not to do any fighting.

Attempt 41

Hello, future self. If you are re-reading this in an effort to brainstorm a new strategy against Malenia, allow me to clearly state the intended take away of this entry:

UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCE SHOULD YOU SURRENDER TO MALENIA

Got it? Good. Now as to the details regarding my most recent demise...

Since making myself a drunken mess had resulted in Malenia sparing my life, I decided to see if there might be some other way to earn her mercy. And so I left my staff behind, prostrated before her, and awaited her judgement. I even made my lip quiver as I looked at her with wide, teary eyes. A truly pitiful sight, or so I thought.

Turns out the only thing Malenia loathes more than defiance is cowardice. Hates it with every fiber of her inhumanly large being. While my drunken self had been too indisposed to fight and hence not worth killing, this time I was of sound body and mind yet was surrendering anyways. Which to her is apparently an unforgivable sin.

Needless to say, I was not shown mercy.

She stomped over to me, grabbed a fistful of my hair, then began dragging me towards the other side of the room. Upon arriving, she then forced my head against the seat of her wooden chair. I just blubbered like an utter fool as she pulled up the back of her armor, until I found her toned, naked arse looming over me.

Before I could even say “Wait!”, my head had already disappeared between her mountainous cheeks; my nose effortlessly swallowed by her vile sphincter. Although tight, there was still enough room for me to accidentally inhale a bit of the air which laid within. Her arsehole might’ve appeared decent enough from the outside, but inside it was just as rancid as one would expect, reeking of gas yet to vibrate my skull upon release.

I immediately gagged, inadvertently getting another whiff in the process. Although my face was completely covered, Malenia took care to still give me enough air to survive, not wanting her “toy” to expire prematurely. Gone were the days where I’d get off easy from her sitting down on me too hard.

As I desperately attempted to free my nose from its tight, sticky prison, I couldn’t help but notice Malenia gasp and shudder above me, likely from the unexpectedly pleasurable sensation my nose’s penetration provided. The warmth I felt shortly afterwards from blood surging to her nethers confirmed by suspicions.

It seemed my drunken self had gotten one thing right: Malenia was rather… pent up now that her outer body was cured of rot. And so in a moment of weakness, believing this to be my best opportunity to appease her… I decided to try giving her what I believed she desired.

I managed to wiggle my nose free and pressed my lips against her hole in what was easily the vilest kiss of my life. I was disturbed to discover the extent to which my mouth was dwarfed by Malenia’s rim. I could feel every wrinkle and fold against my upper lip and chin in explicit detail. But the worst was yet to come. Fighting against every instinct in my body, I buried my remaining self-respect, extended my tongue, and got to work.

This caught Malenia off guard. I could tell she was conflicted about being serviced by the woman she’s repeatedly slain with her rancid wind. Not to mention the taboo that came with having the dirtiest part of your body licked. But in spite of her reservations, she let me continue, and whatever hesitancy she once held was quickly replaced by domineering enthusiasm once it became clear how much I loathed doing it. After all, what better way to prove your superiority to an opponent by pinning them down and having them lick your arse?

And credit where credit is due… I am rather skilled with my tongue. I’ve frequently been told as much by past liaisons. Though rimming was never particularly enjoyable for me, I still had some experience in the matter. I was rather… “experimental” during my time at Raya Lucaria, and not merely in the academic sense. I knew that if my tongue remained outside my partner’s body, the experience would be tolerable enough, and figured if I pleased Malenia she’d at least do me the courtesy of withholding her gas.

What a fool I was.

After a few minutes her hole opened a gaseous onslaught inflated my cheeks. I could tell this was no accident; I literally felt her hole forcefully strain against my lips before blowing my tongue back into my mouth with dizzying force. I felt my eyes roll back and prepared to fade away, believing I had debased myself for nothing.

But Malenia was not finished with me.

She got off my face, grabbed a handful of preserving boluses from my supplies pouch, drenched them in Crimson Tears, then shoved them in my mouth and made me swallow. I gasped as I was brought back to the brink of death, but before I could even regain my bearings I was back under her arse. Then, in what felt like the first time in ages, she spoke to me. Albeit brief, her message could not have been clearer:

”Lick.”

When I understandably refused, she then took my hand in hers. Not in a kind, supportive “Please do this for me” way, but in a “I will crush your hand if you don’t stick out your tongue now” kind of way. It was clear that despite my service, she still only held ill-will for me.

So with no other options available… I did. I licked until my jaw ached and I could barely move my tongue, until eventually her horrendous wind brought me back to the verge of death; upon which I was then given more Tears and boluses to keep going. No stamina enhancers though; she used those on herself. I wouldn’t have thought a demigod would even need them, but given the ferocity with which she rode my face I’m unsurprised fatigue set in. There were a few moments her entire body spasmed during climax and I thought I might be crushed by her powerful thighs, but no such luck. I wasn’t to be let off so easily.

I might’ve appreciated that she was putting in so much effort herself if it didn’t make her sweat so much. Having your face ridden by a woman twice your size on an un-cushioned wooden chair is also hell on your neck. I’m honestly shocked that chair never broke; I wouldn’t be surprised if its wood was taken from the Erdtree itself to withstand such an assault.

Once all my boluses and Crimson Tears had been expended and I was no longer of use to her, Malenia leaned to the side, broke wind for several seconds, then reclined back to enjoy the afterglow while I succumbed to the fumes below her.

Upon revival the shame of what I’d done set in. After all the abuse I’ve suffered under that woman’s wretched arse, how could bring myself to lick it? Am I really so pathetic? I understand that desperation drives people to do questionable things, but surely there must be a limit?

Since then, I’ve been dreading returning to her arena out of fear of what might be waiting for me. I have given my foe an entirely new way to dominate me and can only pray she has no interest in using it. I suppose it’s possible she’s gotten it out of her system now and she’ll go back to her killing me with arse in a non-sexual way, but I doubt it…

Attempt 42

My fears were well founded.

I entered into Malenia’s chamber, like I had dozens of times before, and found her waiting for me. Only this time she was completely naked; her armor neatly put away on the roots near her chair. Her cold eyes were honed in on me; her intentions clear.

Upon seeing her begin walking towards me, I was immediately frozen with fear. Okay, admittedly more like 90% fear and 10% arousal. Even knowing what she was planning to do to me, when a strong, naked giantess demigod is approaching it becomes difficult to think rationally. Or perhaps, and I fear this is becoming increasingly likely, I’m just a hopeless floozy.

Whatever the case, I at least came to my senses before she could reach me. But when I turned to run, I found Malenia waiting behind me. Two of her, actually, and spirits at that. Not like the spirits I’ve summoned, these ones were incandescent pink and appeared to be composed of scarlet butterflies. All this time Malenia had been capable of summoning phantom doppelgängers of herself, yet had never bothered… Which begs the question: What other moves was she capable of?

It was at that moment despair truly sank in. Despite all my effort, all my humiliating deaths, I had never even come close to beating my foe. I was so unthreatening that not only had Malenia never bothered to wield her blade against me, but now she had discarded her own armor just so she could more easily use me to get off.

As the spirits grabbed my arms and began dragging me towards my foe, I went slack. Even when Malenia bent over and the spirits forced my head into her arse, using my nose as some depraved sex toy, I didn’t even struggle. I just closed my eyes and waited for a deafening fart to put an end to my pathetic “attempt”.

If nothing else, I suppose it was fortunate I didn’t restock my supply of boluses beforehand. Ha ha…

Fuck.

It’s become apparent that unless I can find some way to mitigate my opponent's gas, I’m doomed to have my senses defiled each and every time I face her. While boluses can provide temporary relief, they tend to merely prolong my suffering. I’m in need of a more permanent solution.

Perhaps it’d be possible to gain immunity to her miasma through inoculation? While I have already inhaled enough of her rotten wind to last several lifetimes, it’s likely that my immune system, like the rest of my body, is reset upon death. In order to become immune to her gas, I’d need to inhale a non-fatal amount of it, give my body time to develop immunity, then rest at grace. If repeated enough times, I should eventually become desensitized to her rotten stench.

Unpleasant… But logically sound. Unfortunately, Malenia's insistence on repeatedly slaying me prohibits me gaining immunity through her. Because her wind is some unique gas/rot amalgam, I can't simply stick my face in the Lake of Rot and gain immunity that way either. As much as I had hoped to avoid this, I believe I must enlist the aid of others to achieve my goal.

The only question is who should I request to aid me in such a vulgar task?

Millicent is an obvious choice, given she’s also infected with rot and bears an uncanny resemblance to the Empyrean. She’s also indebted to me for giving her a golden needle and prosthetic arm, so it’s likely she’d indulge my crude request and not ask too many questions.

As... debasing as the idea may seem, I must also entertain the possibility that inhaling the gas of non-infected individuals might be necessary to strengthen my endurance against Malenia's. For even without factoring in the deadly rot, her stench is more than enough bring me to my knees. Though how I'd ask for their assistance, I have no idea. I'm not sure which option is more embarrassing; telling people the humiliating truth as to why I must inhale their gas, or coming up with some perverted excuse and making them think I genuinely wish to smell their wind...

A problem I'll leave for another time. As for who I might enlist in this matter...

Melina’s name is remarkably similar to my foe’s, which in my experience likely indicates some kind of familial relationship. Whether this is at all relevant to immunizing myself I am unsure, but I am rather desperate at this point so I don't have the privilege of being picky. I’m sure she’s getting impatient waiting for me to set fire to the Erdtree, so she might be willing to indulge me to hasten the process. If she refuses, she may reconsider if I threaten to become the Lord of Frenzied Flame...

On the topic of that accursed flame, there’s also that blind maiden I’ve encountered on occasion. Hyetta I believe her name was? An odd bird, that one. I had stopped feeding her those "grapes" she craves because they made her a bit looney, but I suppose I could offer her a few more in exchange for breaking wind in my face. Or maybe just sneak up behind her and wait for it to happen naturally since she's blind and mostly idle.

There’s Roderika back at the Roundtable as well. Nice girl… Potentially too nice. It kind of feels wrong asking her to participate in such a foul deed. Not to mention if she breaks wind loudly it’ll be likely everyone at the Hold will hear it. Everyone remaining that is…

Fia is out there somewhere too, I suppose, though I admit she’s not exactly my number one choice. I don’t care how attractive she is or how good being held felt; “Deathbed Companion” is just a fancy way of saying necrophiliac. Which on one hand means she’s done far more indecent things than farting in someone’s face and would likely oblige me, but on the other it’d mean putting my face near a corpse-fondler's nethers.

While I hope a refined sorceress such as Sellen wouldn't agree break wind on her apprentice's face, she might be of use to me in other ways. Perhaps she knows a spell that'd allow me to hold my breath for an extended period of time. I might tell her I accidentally dropped something important into the ocean, and need to reach the sea floor to retrieve it.

Given Nepheli's imposing physique and barbaric heritage, I imagine her wind must be particularly virulent. Perhaps I might offer her some mead as thanks for the wine she gifted me earlier, get her drunk, then try to goad her into pinning me down and breaking wind on my face. I could possibly even lace her drink with gas-inducing herbs to amplify the effects. She will likely ask me to drink with her however, so I must take care to remain sober lest another drunken disaster occurs.

There’s also Tanith, who almost certainly has horrific wind from consuming the body of that giant serpent/husband of hers I killed. Though to be honest those Volcano Manor psychos creep me out, and Tanith herself is pretty far gone… Rya was sweet I suppose, but I’ve no idea where she might’ve gone off to.

Speaking of mentally-broken mothers, there’s also Rennala. Considering how out of it she is, I could probably cut a hole in the seat of her chair and stick my face through without her even noticing. Considering she’s even larger than Malenia, I can only imagine how unpleasant hers might be. I once threatened to drop Ranni inside her chamberpot (admittedly not my finest moment) and she seemed rather shaken up at the idea, so it seems safe to assume she's more than capable of breaking wind. Would probably feel a bit weird sticking my face in my mother-in-law arse, but desperate times and all that. Considering how awful the experience would be for me, I suspect Ranni would likely get a kick out of it…

Well… That’s everyone who comes to mind at the moment. Nothing else to do other than getting started. I must now go on a journey to stick my face into some of the finest arses in the Lands Between… And promptly ruin any attraction I might feel to them by inhaling their rancid wind.

Fuck my life.