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Can't Trust an Uber - The Goddess Rosemary Series How the hell did I end up here? I swear to everything that's holy, this was the weirdest damn thing... The last thing I remember I called an Uber in downtown Miami. There was a guy named Frank that was supposed to pick me up, but when the Toyota rolled out front it was a woman. She was stunningly beautiful, too. Blonde, green eyes, big tits, and tall. She was clearly not entirely Cuban, but she definitely looked a bit Cuban in her tan. She rolled down the window and a pungent aroma that smelled like rancid beer farts hit me hard. She leaned over and said, "I'm Rosemary. I'll be picking you up instead of Francis." I didn't say anything, but just sort of accepted that I'd have to get in the fart bombed car with the hot chick driving. Getting into the car was so much worse!!! It was like she was actively farting, too. I could hear her ripping them into the car seat and finally, when one was too foul, I had enough. "Look, lady. Can you stop fucking farting? It smells like shit back here and the last thing I want to smell right now is anything coming out of your ass." She got what seemed like a fake indignant look on her face, and ripped another loud one that immediately assaulted my nose. I started coughing and she laughed. "That's incredibly rude what you just said to me, you know... I have Irritible bowl syndrome, inflammatory bowel disease, AND Crohns! How dare you! I'm trying to hold in a dump that would bury you alive, so be thankful it's only my farts you're smelling." "Look lady, you can't just fucking fart in here. I'm gonna puke and that's not my fault." "No. You're not gonna puke. In fact, I think I'm gonna teach you a lesson..." She turned around and shot some kind of dart out of a makeshift blowgun and I got immediately dizzy. I didn't pass out immediately, but I was incapacitated so quickly that I couldn't even seem to open the door. The handle kept slipping out of my grip and my consciousness went too. When I awoke, it was in some kind of basement. There was someone next to me on the floor and it looked like the guy from the Uber driver photo, except his face was completely covered in shit. He couldn't talk and I soon found that neither could I... "Oh, good! You're awake!!!" I started to thrash and found myself tied down. When I tried to scream, nothing came out. "I relaxed your vocal chords and you're tied down tight. No matter how muscular you are, you're not getting out of this. Now you're gonna find out how people pay when they're rude to me!" With a single swift motion, she had thrown a plexiglass box over my face and there was a toilet seat above my face. I knew exactly what she was about to do and I started to thrash even more. "Yes, yes. Good. That's it. Struggle. Struggle to get away... But you won't.... Noooo. You're going to.*PSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHH* Ah... You're going to get buried alive, just like I said. There was no opening other than to allow my neck room at the bottom, so the fart she just lowered was the only thing I could smell. Her asshole pulsed and I didn't want to eat the shit out of it, but I had to note how fantastic her huge ass looked. The only problem was that something about about to rush out of it... Her first log was about the size of television remote and got in my mouth! I tried to use my tongue to get it away, but more and more just kept pouring in. The smell was that of a thousand skunks and she started laughing. "Oh boy! Can you still even see? Hahaha! Look at that! Look at my turd under your nose like a mustache! Look at how big it is! And it's still coming! Oooo, you might want to try eating it. It's gonna be too big!" She wasn't kidding. It was still coming out and was already 5 feet in length. The turd just kept wrapping around and around, some falling off my face, but my mouth was already entirely covered all the way up to my nose. Nothing was showing when a huge fart seemed to mark the end of what was now a 10 foot turd. "Does it smell good in there? See, I can't smell anything. I guess that's a good thing though. My shit stinks! I wouldn't ever want to smell it myself. Can you imagine having to smell my shit? Well... I guess you don't have to imagine it! HA!" She farted again and I figured that was the end... But then Her asshole opened up and started unloading again!!! This time it was like a soft serve machine that kept serving out globs of shit, over and over. There were about 7 plops that covered my face already, but then she started another batch that was long and the same consistency. It ended up being about 4 feet long, but it all just piled right on my face... I COULDN'T BREATHE!!! "Oooo. Can't breathe, huh? Better start swallowing some of it up! And you'll notice you can't even barf! Hahaha. Gave you some medicine that won't let you scream or barf. Uh oh. You better eat fast! I just saw your face! Well... I saw where your face should be. Too bad, huh? Hahaha! Hurry it up... More's on the way!" This time, the shit was sludge like, and it poured so fast that the box was up to my head. I was going to die here wasn't I? I could barely hear her, but she spoke, "You're a toilet now. So get used to it... Or don't. I don't really care if you ever accept your fate. I have chosen your fate for you. You will serve as plumbing whenever I feel like it. Francis has started to like it, though. I don't enjoy it when someone likes it... Sooooo.... Congratulations! You'll serve as my toilet until otherwise noted. Better get to eating, because I shit about 4-5 times a day and that was just my second load. It gets easier though. My next load should only be a little bigger." She stood up, wiped her ass, and threw the paper into the box. I was stuck there and chewed and swallowed eventually to the point were almost all of her shit was eaten. Finally, I thought I was done and nearly two hours passed... That was when I heard the door open... "I'm baaaaaack! And guess who had chili!" |
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