Battle of the Cousins
by Monicafitz5

Me and my cousin Lucy, do not get along at all. I don't know why. We were close growing up but somewhere along the way she just started to dislike me and compete with me in everything. Lucy is a 21-year-old who travels around the US in a van with her punk rock band, She's probably the grossest member of my family, during one of her adventures around the Us she took a pledge not to shower so she's been dirty ever since. She's rarely around so that doesn't really bother us but We see her on holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas, and sometimes the 4th of July. Like most of the women in my family, Lucy is incredibly gassy, especially after a holiday dinner.

After a Christmas dinner a few years ago, me and her were laying on opposite ends of the couch in my mom's living room watching the office on Netflix. We'd just spend the night eating ham, mashed potatoes, broccoli, Brussel sprouts and other foods. Our stomachs were full of food and our guts were quickly filling up with gas. We could already hear our mom's cleaning up dinner while ripping huge farts. Lucy decided to be really annoying and starts kicking my leg.

"Can you not?" I said to her in an annoyed voice.

"I didn't do anything." She said in an innocent voice. I go back to watching tv a few seconds go by and she kicks me again.

"Fucking stop!" I say, getting more aggravated. She kicks me again, this time missing my leg and hitting my stomach causing me to release some of the gas that was brewing in me. Lucy holds her nose and fans the air around her.

"Holy Fuck! That was so bad!" She says.

"At least it doesn't smell like your armpits," I mutter.

"You're right, it was much worse." She kicks me again.

"You better stop kicking me!" I yell.

"Or what?" She asks lifting her foot to kick again.

"You know exactly what." I say, sitting up slightly. Me and Lucy glare at each other then she quickly kicks my thigh. I leap at her and pin her on her back, then plant myself on her chest. Since I weigh about 70 pounds more than her, all the air is pushed from her lungs and she is effectively trapped under me.

"Oh god, get your fat ass off me!" She says straining under my weight.

"Yeah, I would but you kicked me." I say, then her scoot forward, putting my butt in her face. She tries to speak but my ass muffles all the sound. I wiggle on her face, wedging her face in my crack. I sigh. "Such a comfy seat." I laugh. Lucy tries to lift me but her arms aren't strong enough. My stomach starts to rumble and She frantically hits my thighs and kicks her legs. "I think I have a good one coming." I push and rip a huge fart right up her nose. Her struggling increased in intensity and I hear her gagging and choking under me.

"Are you gonna apologize?" I ask. I lift up slightly and Lucy gasps for air.

"Fuck you!" She says between gasps.

"Wrong answer." I drop myself back down on her face. "This is gonna be bigger than the last one." I say. I push hard and a massive bassy fart hits her.

"Fuck! My mouth was open!" she yells and gags.

"Say you're sorry, bitch!" I say.

"Kiss my ass!" She replies.

"Mmm, that doesn't sound like sorry." I push out a fart that reeked of rotten vegetables. "Ooo, you gotta give up after that one!" I say fanning the smell from my own face. Lucy continues to struggle under me. I give her another rotten vegetable fart.

"Ok! Please! No more!" She says desperately trying to find air.

"Say it!" I say, letting out another fart.

"Oh fuck." She gags "I'm sorry!" she says. "Please let me go!"

"Just one more." I settle back down on her face. "I gotta make a really bad one."

"Noo!" She pleads. as she opens her mouth, I flood her face with a massive beefy fart, I can only assume that the smell when into both her nose and her mouth because when I got up she was coughing and sputtering.

"I'm gonna get you back for that." She says.

"I'd love to see you try." I reply.