Lady Veronica Bailey sat alone in her family’s parlour, bored. There on her opulent chaise lounge chair surrounded by a collection of endowments, tributes, treasures from the New World, marvels of ancient civilizations, paintings, jewelry, and of course a wide selection of foods for her to choose from all which did absolutely nothing to appease her temper. Of those only the food was currently of any interest to the noblewoman who was joylessly picking away at the enormous assortment of sweets and confections before her all while taking sips of aged brandy straight from her families heirloom decanter.

“Will this ever cease.” Lady Veronica grumbled to herself. There was a soft coconut sprinkled cupcake that she popped whole into her mouth and swallowed without even savouring. It was nearing the end of marriage season in the British Isles and the girl had been beset by gifts and objects of affections from suitors. Lady Veronica was both lucky and cursed to be born the fourth daughter of a wealthy Lord. She never had to rush out and seek a man of status or consequence like her sisters and thus was allowed some degree of choice in the manner. That choice had been postponed by The Lady until the last minute and now as she was approaching an age unsuitable for noble marriage (over 25) Lady Veronica was forced by her father to make up for lost time.

So for months on end the family flat has been beset by couriers and valets and of course suitors each in an attempt to earn her hand in marriage which she had yet to give to anyone. All these days ever meant for Lady Veronica was some trinkets and snacks in return for having to stuff herself into a dress and act nice for company 6 hours out of the day. She didn’t enjoy how much of her time was now spent entertaining the notions and desires of boring old men attempting to steal her away from her own home.

Lady Veronica sighed again. She grabbed a lemon tart and put it in her mouth, her other hand putting the brandy down for the moment and resting on the side of her face. As she looked over the expanse of presents in front of her Lady Veronica sighed while one of her father’s servants stepped into the room. “My Lady, you have another guest.”

“Yesh, whaff?” Lady Veronica answered while still chewing on her tart and also grabbing a slice of a cake to shove into her mouth. “Whaff Now? Can’t you shee I’m exfftremely busy.”

“Another suitor, ma’am, a Lawyer.” The servant responded assuredly.

“Oh simply wonderful. Have I already scared off the real nobility.” (She had) Lady Veronica rolled her eyes and started dusting the crumbs that accumulated all over her chest and skirt. “This one better come up with something better to gift than a sugary tart, I’ve grown sick of these.” Lady Veronica said as she ate another surgery tart that got crumbs all over her clothes. Her stomach groaned unenthusiastically as the treat dropped into her gut. “Send him in, I guess.”

“Well, I’m afraid he’s already here.” A voice spoke from behind the servant as Hugh Wilhelm Esq. a traditional but short looking man in a felt jacket coat stood awkwardly with a small brown bag in his hand. He looked over the piles and piles of gifts in front of the Lady with humility and said in a voice quiet and subdued. “I’m sorry to say though it’s clear I’ve intruded upon your home and to disturb such a breathtaking beauty such a…”

BRRRRRAAAAAPP

A short goose honk of a fart creeped out from Lady Veronica and took Hugh’s breath right away. Lady Veronica had barely felt it happen when it did but it seems the concoction of old brandy and sugary sweets had snuck up on her and was filling the room with a rancid aroma. The servant acted quick to take the blame. “Oh terribly sorry sir that was all me.”

“No it wasn’t.” Lady Veronica responded getting up from her seat and freeing the trapped sulphuric smell that she had been sitting on out into the room around her. Veronica put her hand to her hip and looked her suitor right in the eye. “It was me. I did it.” She even shook out the frills over her skirt to spread the stink around, walking over to the wincing Hugh as she did. “Never seen a Lady do that before have you little lawyer? That’s what you boys and your gifts do to me. You better have brought me something better.”

She plopped back down into her chaise proudly. Lady Veronica was surprised at her own boldness but her growing irritation with these afternoon calls had reached it’s boiling point.

If they wouldn’t stop coming to her then she would make them stop wanting to come at all.

pppprrttt

“You still wanna chance at the good life?” She said with a giggle while with her another hand she grabbed the decanter again and again drank right from it. “AAAAHH. Now let me see what you’ve got me.” Lady Veronica rudely snatched the folded brown bag in his hands. Inside she founs a bright shiny golden yellow apple… much like the ones she might find a variety of (and often dipped in a variety of chocolates as well) within her gift pile.

The Lady was taken by the minuscule display and once more giggled but this time more genuinely. “Adorable. A Swedish åkero as well, this must have cost you, but I already have much better things than this. Like this brown sea salt caramel or this white chocolate or…” The Lady got distracted and went back to her table of treats to stuff her face.

The Servant looked over at Lady Veronica with shame and disappointment knowing that she would have to tell her father that Veronica had sent away another man, but Hugh was not so easily dissuaded from the chance at marriage to a noblewoman. He looked over at this lady of nobility, (his social superior) hunched over a sea of confections scarfing them down with no decorum whatsoever amidst a fog of her own flatulence all while her insides audibly scream at her to stop with each new bite of sweetness she takes.

All of this filled his mind yet still, she was a noblewomen and in truth his license to practice law was being revoked in three weeks after an altercation with a former client. This might be his only chance to socially advance, and he wasn’t about to let it slip away because of some gas. She was still far more attractive (and younger) than most of the noblewomen he’d seen.

“I um, well this apple should be easy on the digestion. Though it is foreign…” Hugh said half-confidently. Veronica stopped, looked up from her eating, raised an eyebrow and went right back to eating again. Hugh embarrassed turns to The Servant. “In any case a little wind never hurt anyone. *cough* *cough* So I suppose you can leave us then. I’ll stay for the time.” Hugh said as he took a seat next to the munching noble. The servant left and Hugh and Veronica were alone.

Initially Lady Veronica was quite annoyed by Hugh’s continued presence and failure to take a hint but quickly rationalized that if he wanted to sit in a room and watch her eat, drink, and fart the hours away it would be a bigger problem for him than her. And if she somehow did end up marrying him this would serve as a good way to practice how she would want to spent most days together.

FFFFFFFFRRRRRRRRRTTTTTTTT

She coyly winked at the lawyer as she popped off another short fart bubble into her plush cushioned seat. Hugh just looked away disgusted, he spotted his uneaten apple laying to side. It was supposed to be especially fragrant and he hoped to enchant the lady with it’s intoxicating foreign scent, but now the only thing he could smell was the thick ass gas she was constantly pumping out. Hugh looked up to say something but the fart cloud immediately floated into his mouth and made him choke.

This made Lady Veronica start a laughing fit. “It’s just a little more wind remember? Don’t be a child. Besides the air of a noblewoman fair exceeds the air quality of whatever hole you’re from I’m sure.” She said through her snickering. “Take some deep breaths, it would do well to impress me.”

“Oh uh.” Hugh steadied himself and looked over at The Lady who was looking over at him expectedly. He could tell she wasn’t kidding and so without thinking he deeply inhaled and let the toxic farts engulf his airways. He regretted it right away as the putrid aroma filled the interior of his lungs.

“Far better than the London city air don’t you agree?” The Lady chortled.

Hugh cringed through the whole experience while Lady Veronica’s laughing fit had only grown bigger. She had not at all expected him to go along with that. Looking over at Hugh wearing the stench on his poor little face like a tattoo was just hilarious, if she had known this would’ve worked earlier she would’ve done it to the last dozen suitors. While still suffering in sinus hell however he managed to utter out.

“Uh, Thank you Lady Veronica.” Hugh said in attempt to curry favour. “You’re absolutely right, a mark improvement in air freshness” *cough* *cough* one such as I is not so accustomed…”

“Good! Have another!”

BRFFFRRFPRFPRPRPRPRPRPRPRPRPRPPRPRPRPRPRTTTTTTTTT

The loud ripper belted right out of the Lady and Hugh was immediately hit with the encroaching waves of gas that came from her underside. His face grew a grimace which made Lady Veronica giggle. He looked adorable scratching at his nose and pulling at his collar for cover. It was so much hotter and heavier than anything that had come before filling the air with a foul odour. Again he sniffed the air without a word of complaint. “Ah how… *cough* *cough uh …pungent my lady.”

Surprisingly Lady Veronica was starting to find Hugh’s remarks… a little charming. Perhaps it was just the aged brandy affecting her constitution but she was enjoying herself with another for the first time in a while. It made her feel good inside to hear a man these things to her even if it was forced. It made her feel in control and for the first time she started to seriously consider this individual as a romantic partner. After all he was still far younger (and more attractive) than most of the noblemen she’d seen.

“You’ve been quite a deal more obedient than the previous gentlemen callers, perhaps you have earned some… physical contact.” Hugh perked up for just a moment only to be disappointed right again when Lady Veronica started splaying herself out comfortably and pointed at the floor in front of the chaise. “Come her kneel down, rub my stomach, help me achieve some relief.”

“Oh miss it has been a lovely time but this is out of the question for a…” The Lady rolled her eyes, grabbed one of hands and pulled him across to the floor in front of her. She moved his hand over her abdomen delicately so he could rub her. “Just like that. It’ll help with digestion just like whatever you said before.” The Lady relaxed closing her eyes as she let her suitor get to work.

As Hugh rubbed her belly and her inner workings gurgled and groaned in satisfaction Lady Veronica became a double ended brass instrument from the loud auditory expulsions she was emitting. She continued to drink her fermented wine and snack on her sugary delights and it was only making things reek worse. A thick blanket of gas filled the parlour while Hugh just miserably sat there taking it all in and doing what he was told to do. His eyes were filled with tears from the stinging heat of her farts, it had long since passed the point where this would be worth it. All he was looking for was a chance to make an excuse and leave.

“This is simply divine.” Lady Veronica drunkenly cooed as a man who studied law for several years at an institution of higher education was contended to rub her belly so she could fart better. “We could do this every afternoon together as husband and wife.” This thought which just a few hours ago might have been exactly what he wanted to hear now struck fear into Hugh’s heart.

But he had bigger problems now as it wasn’t long before all this hand on hands action was starting to stir up the already inebriated girl. After all that brandy she was overcome with feelings of lust for the little lawyer. Seeing Hugh’s disgust couldn’t be more palpable but it only made him more desirable to Lady Veronica. She looked down at the lawyer hugging over her belly, lovingly rubbing it for her attention and soon The Lady’s drunken temptations took over.

Without a word she grabbed the man and pulled him up close, past her belly and right into the bosom of her dress. Lady Veronica’s arms wrapping around Hugh’s back as she rung his head right into her open cleavage.

Hugh wasn’t displeased but was startled to be sure. Then it became harder to breath when her voluptuous suffocating flesh started to drip with sweat and stick to his skin. Alongside this The Lady’s hands were all over him now as she lined her fingers down his back and interlocked her legs with his and started falling into him. Hugh didn’t know what to do as the drunk noblewomen who was suffocating him with her breasts put all her weight on him. It wasn’t long before the two were falling on the floor, Lady Veronica on top of Hugh Wilhelm Esq.

Lady Veronica just started to coarsely laugh about the whole thing. Her hands grabbing without purpose at Hugh’s body her transformation to complete drunkeness now complete. She attempted to mumble some words through her squealing guffaws but was always interrupted by drunken cackling. Eventually Hugh made out her say. “Oh loooooook. My whole dress is covering you like a duvet hahaha.”

She grabbed the ends of her long frilly skirt and uses it to cover Hugh’s face and then uncover it. “PEAK A-BOO!” The drunk lady was straddling atop Hugh Esquires’ chest like she was riding a horse. Hopping up and down sending ripples of pain across his body. The long frilly skirt she was wearing outpouring from her and nearly covering the lawyer completely underneath her. If you had a bird’s eye view you wouldn’t even know Hugh was there.

She pulled up her skirt again and covered it over his face then pulled it back off again. “Peak a-boo, cutie.” Lady Veronica said as she quickly stole a smooch from the top of Hugh’s forehead leaving a lipstick smear along with her heavy after breath of alcohol.

BRRRRRRRRRRRFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

A long airy fart pours out from Lady Veronica and fills out the space in her dress with it’s stink. All the empty space that was just underneath the Lady was being filled with putrid methane. Of course, she found this hilarious and started to make sure the ends of her dress completely surrounded Hugh’s body.

He was sputtering and gagging while the fabric of her dress was currently farboarding him and making him feel like he was actually drowning in her weighty gas. Hugh was reaching through the dress that was currently trapping him for an exit. But each time he thought he had a seam to get fresh air from Lady Veronica would hold the cloth down to the floor like it was a childish game they were playing. No matter what he did he couldn’t get her off and was further trapped in the dutch ovened dress.

The lawyer marinated in her stink for hours into the afternoon while she sat atop and went back to pecking at the treats that had created the windstorm blasting Hugh in the face. It was a long while but finally, Lady Veronica ran out of farts and decided to get off her long suffering suitor.

She began excitedly speaking before he could get a word out which was probably for the best. “That was the most wonderful time. I’ve never met a man quite like you Mr. Esquire.” Lady Veronica began. “I would love for you to accompany me to my family’s Gala tonight, I’ll meet you there and exchange a love apple to solidify our betrothal. Why it can be even be your åkero apple you brought me!”

She picks up the golden apple on the table and slice’s off a segment. Hugh was still getting his head on straight but could hear what she said and started to grow relieved. He went through the wringer but now he could now enjoy the *literal* fruits of his labour courtesy of his lovely bride to be. He proved himself. It was all gonna be worth it. But he just first had to ask, “Veronica what’s a love apple?”

Then Lady Veronica took the apple slice and placed it underneath her sweaty armpit. “Here we have a tradition, when a women is being courted she places an apple slice in between her folds like so. This will bask and soak in my scent much like you just were and at the end of the night we will solidify our bound when I watch you eat it in front of the whole gala with the rest of the betrothed gentlemen! By partaking of my aroma you are bounding yourself to be with me in all forms of my beauty.” Veronica finished with a smile.

Hugh’s heart sank. “My father’s servant can help you with the details, I need to freshen up.” And with that she was finished and walked out of the room leaving the stinking man with a mouth agape and no idea what to do.

Despite what happened in the parlour it would be bad form (and ruin any chance he had at any other noble marriage) to not accept an invitation to the Bailey’s Gala but he knew he could under no circumstances accept a love apple from that woman. That apple slice will be stuck in between her armpit soaking in her slick sweat as she dances the night away. It’ll be practically dripping with her BO and then after all that the putrid soggy morsel is going to be shoved into his mouth! It was something he just couldn’t do after all he’d been through already. This had all gone way too far and Hugh needed to get out of this while still saving face with the Bailey family. The best he could come up with was to just arrive late, make an appearance for her father and the other nobles then duck out early and hope Lady Veronica wouldn’t have a chance to spot him or wouldn’t remember him once she sobered up.

“Hugh Wilhelm Esq! Therrrre you arrrre.” Veronica drunkly called out.

This was the first thing Hugh heard as he walked into the Veronica family’s grand ballroom only a few minutes before the party ended. She was wearing a different far more elegant yellow gown during this meeting but she was not one iota more sober than when he had last seen her earlier in the day. Hugh prayed she wouldn’t remember their whole interaction. The Lady walked right over to him from a group of other noblewomen shouting out loudly. “Move asshhide that’s my futurrrre Hushband!”

As she walked over the music in the ballroom changed and all the young noblemen and young noblewomen lined up next to each other. The men looked worried and scared but the women all had smirks and were laughing amongst each other. Slowly some of the young women began walking across to one of the man and taking a sliced apple from underneath their armpit and putting it into the man of choices’ mouth. The apples all looked moist and severely dampened from being grinded between these high class Ladies armpits. Many of the men grimaced the second the assaulted fruit touched their lips. A few were strung up in the tangles of armpit hair and had to be plucked out by the reluctant men. One girl was particularly cruel and shoved her chosen man’s head into her armpit so he could eat it right off the plate. Regardless of what particular twist their significant others chose for the apple none of them looked happy to suck down the disgusting thing.

As Hugh watched Lady Veronica get closer to him he noticed just how soaked in sweat she was from the night of dancing. He didn’t like his odds. The wall of BO hit him before she even got close to him. But Veronica happily grabbed him by the arm and started dragging him away. “I thought of something way better and way more romantic.”

She pulled the lawyer into a sideways hallway. Hugh began stammering some excuses but Lady Veronica was just too happy to finally see him to even begin listening to whatever he was saying. Instead she just put a finger to his mouth and hushed him. “Don’t worry I know why you were so fashionably late. I know what you were waiting for and at the end of the night is when it would be the most romantic anyway.” Lady Veronica turns around and begins presenting her backside to her romantic partner much in the same way a mandrill does. “I decided to do something extra special for you so I put your little love apple somewhere else.”

With that Lady Veronica hiked up her gown as far as she could and exposed herself to Hugh. A invisible wave of putrid stench freed itself from the trapping of her underside and smacked Hugh right across the face. Hours of built up sweat and streaks of fart juice blasted on the insides of the cloth unfurled and filled the air around Hugh’s battered face. Greeting him right in-between Lady Veronica’s sweaty buttcheeks lay a mushy brown streaked apple slice. All it’s gold colouring was gone. The sight of it made Hugh want to gag.

“And I can’t let go of the dress to take it out so you’ll just have to eat it out of there with your mouth ahaha.” Said with a bashful booty jiggle.

“Couldn’t I just use my han-“ Hugh was cut off when Lady Veronica grabbed the back of his head and forced it into her butt. His mouth first made contact with the apple skin then his cheeks with sides of her rotund ass cheeks. The epicentre of her stink. “Eat up sweetheart!”

Hugh tried to make himself open his own mouth but the small pocket of space his face was cloistered into didn’t leave to much room to move. Trying to push his face further down to the apple didn’t do much but smear butt cheek sweat onto his face cheek while also getting him closer to the stained butthole producing all the rancid air around him. “Uh Oh. Look out below!”

BRRRRRRRRIRIRIRRRRIRIRIRIRIRIRTTTTTTT

A billowing burst of gas rushes through the canyon of Lady Veronica’s buttcrack all settling into the face of Hugh while also pushing the brown splattered apple slice into his mouth. Even with the fresh fart resting on his tongue the apple was a truly disgusting thing to taste. The slimeyness of her sweat was coating the entire exterior of the thing and the flavour of it was like if you could eat a fart solid. The windblasting this fruit had received hardly made it suitably for consumtion and as his teeth bit into the revolting core it made him shudder. He mustered some courage and Hugh began chocking the fetid apple down his esophagus if only to finish it off before Lady Veronica farted again.

PRRRFFFT PRORRROORORORPPPP RRRRRRPPPP FFRRRRRTTT

He was not so lucky and got four more point black mouth farts before he had swallowed the treat into his unwilling stomach. When Hugh finally felt it was done he pushed himself out from the inside of Veronica’s cheeks. Freeing himself with a loud pop! “Aww already.”

Lady Veronica whined, clearly hoping he would stay longer but allowing him out. The sweaty mess of a man with matted hair, fart breath, and a jacket filled with the stains of someone else’s bodily fluids stood there and saw Lady Veronica jumping with joy at what they had just experienced. ‘At least she seems satisfied’ he thought ‘At least it’s finally over now.’

“Oh! Hugh you’ve made me so happy by accepting my proposal!” Hugh suddenly remembered what this was all about in the first place. “Oh um…”

Lady Veronica just grabs him by the lapels and pulls him in for a huge embrace. “You’ve made me the happiest girl on Earth! I could’ve wasted my time on those old fools but now I’ve got me a real man who know a noblewoman's worth!" She inadvertantly punctuated her statement by breaking wind one more time.

PRRRRPPP

"We’ll be together forever!” Lady Veronica said with a huge sincere beaming smile.