Anything to Get Her Back
by Slave Fart

I was on the highway when I got the phone call. A distorted voice said, "We have your wife. Go to the Coffee shop of 36th near 50th in North Saint Paul. Instructions will be waiting for you there."

To say I was in shock would be an understatement.

"Who is this?"

"Can you make it there or not?"

"Uh... Is this a joke?"

The person hung up and my phone buzzed with a picture of my wife tied up and gagged. I dropped my phone and somehow stayed in my lane while I was in complete shock.

The phone rang again and I had to answer through my car's audio system.

"You have an hour to get there. Look for a woman in a lime green tank top. Buy a phone charger if you don't have one on you."

They hung up and I started to reach for my phone. I was still surprised that I hadn't even come close to crashing my car, not even when I reached to grab my phone from the other seat. I just had to get back my wife, my Ann-Dee...

The phone rang again and I answered, "If you even consider calling the cops, we'll kill her. Your wife's life is directly in your hands."

My charger is... In my bag! I don't need to stop. I can go straight there. I can just make it to the store.

I slowed my speed and made sure to just follow the rules of the road. I parked and walked inside and the wonderful smell of coffee over took me.

It would be the last time I associated coffee with something good...

Five minutes passed and nothing happened. Then ten minutes.

I got a text that said, "Order a frappuccino made with heavy cream, extra cream." There were more words to the order, but I honestly just sort of zoned. I needed to think about Ann-Dee. At least it wasn't a monetary ransom. I didn't have a ton of cash stored away.

I stood and did as I was told. It had been 20 minutes in total and the frap was sweating across from me on the table when a gorgeous woman in a lime green tank top and dark charcoal yoga pants sat across from me.

"Are you," she whispered and leaned in, "Are you the guy?"

I didn't want to seem conspicuous or out of place, so I just nodded.

"What do they want from us? They took my," she was interrupted by her phone.

She picked it up and looked nervous. Then she looked at me and laughed, whispering back, "I can't do that! That's disgusting!"

The phone was still talking to her.

"Ok," this beautiful woman who looked like Jennifer Carpenter with some extra weight said, "I mean... It's... This is horrible, how can you do this?"

The phone said something else, and her demeanor changed drastically, almost like she went from not liking the proposition to loving it.

"Well I mean if I have to, then... Uh huh... Uh huh... Ok."

She hung up the phone and then looked at me, "I'm only allowed to tell you that I can't really talk to you anymore. Well, not here. Not like this."

Her gesturing meant something to her, but I didn't have a clue. Then my phone rang.

"If you want to get your wife back, you will go to the bank and close your accounts. You will call you boss and quit your job. Then you will follow this woman to her car and await further instructions."

"Is my wife ok? You have to prove she's still alive and I'll do this. I don't care. I just want my wife alive. I love her!"

The line went dead and I looked at this woman whose name I didn't know. She stood up and I saw her amazing ass. It was bubbly and deep and wide and huge. If I wasn't in such a bind, I'd have thought.... No! Ann-Dee! You have to think about Ann-Dee!

I walked behind her, stealing glances at this woman's large posterior. She held the cup and sipped away.

She then drove me to the bank and I closed all my accounts for a total of $1,532.12... I couldn't believe I had so little. Then the phone rang.

"There's an account at the back across town, too. I know about it. Empty that one, too."

FUCK! How did they know about that account!

The mystery woman began driving and I began to beg, "Please don't do this. Please!"

"I can't talk to you or I lose what they took from me. They took your fucking wife. These people aren't playing and I will do everything they say to get what I lost back, so just stop talking to me and do what you're told. Give me your phone, I need to keep it charged. I'll give it back."

When we pulled into the parking lot of the other bank, I opened my mouth to beg again, but the woman simply smirked and said, "Shut the fuck up, dude. Go get the cash."

I knew she wasn't in on it, but she seemed a lot less nervous than I was.

The door opened and a rude woman stormed ahead of me. I got stuck holding the door for three more people and then I finally got through the doors.

It took two hours to close the account because of how much money there was. They tried to tell me there was all these other fees, but I knew my shit. I walked out with the full amount.

This was just a regular savings account, so I was already paid up on the taxes on it and I was smart enough to get my fees paid in full up front when the account was only $300. I made their own fine print work against them.

I put the bag of cash in the trunk of my fellow captive's car and then got in.

"What do they want with us," I asked.

"Shut. the. fuck. up."

We drove in silence to her house. It was sleepy and quiet in the area, a nice part of town. I'd never been to this specific neighborhood or town. It was nice.

"Grab literally everything out of the trunk and meet me inside. Here's your phone."

I obeyed and when I got in, I saw the lady on her knees with a gun to her head. A man in a ski mask was shaking hard.

"They told me I had to come and.... And.... And..."

He started crying, but found a way to steel himself.

"NO," the man shouted at himself, "You have to do this or you won't get her back! You! Get on the ground, on your back, over there. Or I kill her."

I saw a tarp and my heart sank. They're going to kill me...

My phone rang.

"Put me on speaker," the voice was calm, "Before he lays down, take $4,000 out of the bag. Place $3,000 at the feet of the woman and $1,000 at the feet of the man."

I hesitated and mouthed something to them.

"Don't try to communicate with them. Just do as I say."

I took out the cash, counted it to be sure, and then set it at their feet. The monster with my Ann-Dee was still on speaker.

I went to the man first and put the cash down quickly. At the woman's feet, I stalled and looked at her sexy legs trapped in that spandex. It was shiny and muted all at once.

She turned around and I was face to ass with her amazing rump.

"Now he will go lay on the tarp," the voice said.

At least I got to see that chick's ass before I died.

The tarp crinkled under me and I had tears in my eyes.

"Gunman, escort User to Toilet."

They were having the man take a user to the bathroom.

Not even a full minute later they were both standing over me. The man looked horrified, but the woman had a smug look on her face.

"Didn't it say to take her to the toilet?"

"No," the man stammered, "She said to take User to Toilet. I'm Gunman, she's User, you're Toilet."

Everything seemed to freeze and my face burned.

"I'm going to shit in your mouth," User said. "You have to eat my shit."

My eyes were wide and scare and Gunman said, "Do you need to be tied up, or can you do it without restraints."

"Yeah, can you be my toilet without my tying you up? Because my instructions are to shit directly into your mouth. I'm supposed to take a dump in your mouth and you have to eat my shit."

The tears were flowing.

"Without. I need to get my wife back. Putting the stuff on would just waste time."

Gunman grabbed some kind of weird thing and then I realized what it was...

There was a wooden box with plexiglass on it and it had a spot for three phones. He was positioning all of the phones in the box and I realized the distorted voice was gone.

I asked, "What is happening? What is going on?"

Gunman said, with fear in his voice, "They took something from all of us. If we do this, they'll let us all go. They've done this before. They'll kill us if you don't eat her shit."

User was smiling, it was almost like she enjoyed this, "Yeah, you're going to let me shit in your mouth."

I said, "How could you do this? How can you want to take a shit in my mouth."

"It's not that I WANT to take a shit in your mouth," she said, "But if it's what I need to do, then you're going to be my toilet. I'll make you eat my shit for a week if I have to. I'll eat and eat and eat so that I take the world's largest shit in your mouth. You're actually catching me on a pretty rough day. I went pretty hard yesterday. We do this thing where once a year we go to my favorite Indian food place and we just gorge. And as if that wasn't bad enough, whatever was in that frap you bought is definitely making my stomach do some acrobatics."

Gunman was done with the phones, "Ok, lay flat on your back. I'm going to put the... Um..."

"Seat. You're going to put my seat over my toilet."

"I thought you said you didn't want to do this," I said while Gunman put the contraption over my face. All I wanted to think about was Ann-Dee, but all I could really think about was how my mouth was going to be a toilet because I was now looking up at the world through a toilet seat...

Gunman whispered in my ear, "You have to beg her to shit in your mouth once the seat is over your face. You have to beg or they'll kill your wife."

I didn't want to, but I started to beg, "Please shit in my mouth! Please, please use me as your toilet! Please let me eat your shit! Please take a shit in my mouth!!!"

User laughed, "I don't want to do this, but you've really a pain in my ass, whining all day. It'll be nice to make you take some pain FROM my ass. And if you want it so bad, maybe I'll let you."

She turned around and I saw her ass in the spandex. I was really appreciating it now because the raw power of her ass would be unleashed on my face in a minute.

She hadn't farted all day, so I really didn't have a clue how this was going to go...

"Oh, before I forget," Gunman said, and then reached into the toilet bowl, which was really now my mouth.... He put an elastic strap around my head and a small funnel type object, like what you'd put on a dog, but much smaller, was now on my face, "This is so User's bowel movement stays on your face if it's too big."

"Oh, it'll DEFINITELY be too big," she was smiling down at me and saw the pure fear.

User then turned back away from me and I was studying her spandex covered ass again.

"You might want to get out of here, Gunman."

"No, I can't. I have to stay and describe the... I have to describe the smell."

User laughed, "This is so fucked up. It's not enough that I shit in this guy's mouth, but they want you in here smelling it?"

"People might not think it's not that bad," Gunman said, "That's what they said. We're all just doing whatever they tell us."

User pulled down her pants and I was now staring at her two incredible ass cheeks.

As she lowered herself down, she was deliberate and slow. Her asshole was shaved and now pointing directly at my mouth. I kept my mouth open as she let go her first fart.

SSSSSSSSSSSRRRRRRRPPPPP

It was maybe a second and a half, but the heat and the stink... I screamed.

"OH MY GOD!!! WHAT DID YOU EAT!!! OH MY GOD!!!!"

She was laughing!!!! She laughed!!!!

Gunman said, "Oh my god... I can't... I don't know that I can be in here."

User shouted, "They said you had to stay in here! You have to say how bad it is!"

"It's awful," Gunman said, "I can't believe it. I've never smelled a worse smelling fart."

"Imagine how bad it is for Toilet, here," User kicked me and then farted again, "Was there milk in that frap?"

SSSSSSSSPPPPPPPRRRRRRRSSSSSSSS

"Ahhhh!!! This is terrible! Yes, there was heavy cream in the frap."

"Oooooohahahahahahahaha!!!!! You're so fucked!!! I'm lactose intolerant something fierce!!! Hahahahaha," User was bending forward and started to piss in my mouth.

I brought my hands up to the sides of the box and she slapped them down, "Keep your hands down, Toilet!"

BRRRMMMPPP

Gunman started to gag. It was just farts and they weren't even IN his face...

User said, "Those farts mean something's coming, Toilet. Keep that mouth open. Oooo. Don't you wish you could switch places, Gunman? Hahahaha"

Gunman was too busy choking on her rancid farts.

"He's a baby, Toilet. Good thing it's your mouth and not his."

She farted again, this time with a lot more force. BRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPP

I raised my hands and tried to push her, but she had a firm seat above me.

"Keep your hands down! You have to let my shit fall in your mouth. Your open mouth, so open your mouth so that I can shit in it," she said laughing... She was finding this funny.

"Oh god, your farts... They are just so terrible," Gunman said.

"Think about how bad it is for him!! He's gotta deal with, hngh, this!"

PRRRRPPPPRRPRPPPPPRRRPPPRRRRRRUUUUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMPPPP

It had to have been a six second fart, but at the end I saw her anus open very wide.

"Open your mouth! Open your mouth right now, toilet!"

I did as I was ordered.

Within a fraction of a second her giant turd slipped away from her asshole and found my mouth. It was such a huge turd that I was in shock at first. It happened so fast, too. It was probably two feet long and flew from her anus with serious speed.

"Wow... That feels so much better. Describe it, Gunman, you have to describe it," User was in control, now.

"It's... Oh my god, it's so big... It's about 24 inches when it came out, but then it sort of just piled up and now it's like a mountain of your shit is on his face."

User farted again, "These farts feel great. Whoever picked me knew I had a big dinner last night, a big breakfast, and that I was lactose intolerant. They picked me because they knew it would be a big load. How'd they know, though?"

"It smells so bad, User. I can't take it," Gunman was such a wuss! I was the one that had her giant turd in my mouth!

"Now you have to eat it. Eat my shit. Go on and chew on my hot turds. Chew on my turds, toilet," User had a horrifying look in her eyes as she looked down at me through her legs...

I did as I was told...

I chewed and chewed and then, just as I was almost done, she started shaking with laughter.

"I'm not even close to done, toilet. Hahahaha! I'm sorry, but you're really in for a rough go..."

Another turd, this time almost a soft serve consistency, started to pile up. I couldn't keep up at all. Gunman vomited into her other toilet.

"It's so terrible. Oh my god, the size! The stink!"

He barfed again all while I was chewing and swallowing this woman's massive dump.

"I would say I feel bad, but I'm not even close to done, so I just can't think about it. Plus, if I want back what they stole from me, you're going to have to get the whole load. We're probably 20% of the way there, though. There's a big one up there, still."

This was only 20%?! The big one hadn't come yet?! 

There was no warning when another long turd started to come out. Though it was clearly one turd, it was breaking off every 6-8 inches and ended up being 5 big turds. Just this one thing would have been a big dump, but coupled with what already came out and what was still to come, I was horrified.

She looked down through her legs again, but I could only tell because I saw her ass shift. Her face was obstructed by her shit which was now pretty much the only thing I saw besides her asshole.

I finally got through the soft serve and then the other turds, all while User was staying seated above me. Gunman would narrate from time to time, but was still trying to not gag.

"You've had a hell of a time eating all that. I wish I could tell you I was done, but..."

Another long turd pushed out, this one much more solid. I really had to chew to get through it, but it was small, only 2 inches or so. That was when she started laughing really hard again, because then that same thicker, denser turd pushed out and it was very dark brown and the smell which was already indescribably terrible got infinitely worse.

"This one is the test. Ooooo boy. I'm really glad I'm not you right now, because this one STINKS!!!!"

Gunman threw up again and I was a little surprised that he had anything left inside him.

User stayed above me and I was admiring her ass, even though it just unloaded an unholy load directly into my mouth like I was just a regular toilet.

She finally sighed, "One last push, toilet. Man, I haven't shit in three days and now this! Wow... And in someone's mouth. Unfortunate timing for you, toilet. But I'd do it all over again if I had to. If they told me I had to use you forever to get back what they took, I'd keep you locked up forever."

The turds started out dense, but then moved back to lighter. This massive shit was coming to an end. I had to just think about Ann-Dee. They must have taken something important from both User and Gunman, too.

User's shit was almost gone when another phone rang. Gunman answered and we only heard one side of the call.

"Ok... When he's done eating... And that's it? Then I can go?... Uh huh... Oh man... No, that's not a problem... Uh huh... Yes, I understand..."

I finally finished and then User stood up. Gunman took off the seat and messed with the phones again. He took his phone and scurried out of the bathroom as quickly as he could. It was just User and I.

She was not very apologetic for someone that seemingly didn't want to shit in someone's mouth...

"I know that seemed extreme, but I don't think of you as human anymore, not really," User said, an arrogance in her tone, "I needed to get back my coffee mug."

"A COFFEE MUG?!?!,"I screamed, "YOU SHIT IN SOMEONE'S MOUTH TO GET A COFFEE MUG BACK?!"

She laughed, "No! I didn't just shit in someone's mouth... I shit in YOUR mouth!!!"

She was cackling.

"And gunman?"

"He had some comics taken. What about you?"

"They took my wife! What the fuck?!"

A knock came User's door.

"Stay in here, toilet. Don't scream. Nobody can know you're here."

The shame and embarrassment was burning through every fiber of me. The taste of her shit was still in my mouth and it hung in my nostrils like it was the only thing I'd ever smell again. I couldn't even bring myself to cry.

"So that was on social media?! You broadcast that out on all of our feeds?! Oh, that is diabolical!"

User was talking to some...

When the door opened I was overjoyed to see Ann-Dee in the frame.

"They let you go!"

I went to move, but she simply stepped back.

"Let me go? HAHAHAHAHA!!!! I PLANNED THIS WHOLE THING, IDIOT!"

"What," I was shocked, "You're not... You were kidnapped..."

"No, moron, I made it look like I was kidnapped. I wanted to see how far you'd go, and honestly I'm impressed by how much dedication you had to me, but I was done with our marriage a while back. You see, you just are so damn pathetic and I wanted to prove to you how low I thought of you."

Now the tears came freely, "You made me eat that woman's shit..."

User talked, "And she broadcasted that to the world. We're already trending on Twitter. People are talking about how much you seemed to like my shit in your mouth. I see why you did it, now. Loser."

Ann-Dee spoke again, "Remember when I was in the bathroom at Chez Amore last week? Well this woman was in the stall next to me and I knew this was the perfect way to show you what a pathetic loser I thought you were. I wanted you to suffer at someone else's ass before you spend the rest of your life being fed from mine."

All the color drained from my face, "You don't mean..."

Ann-Dee picked up the bags of money and laughed maniacally, "Yes I do mean. You're going to come home and serve as your wife's personal toilet for the rest of your life. Then when you die from eating my shit, I'm going to collect the life insurance payout and move somewhere beautiful.

i finally lifted myself somewhat and thought about her proposition. i could just walk out the door...

"Would You like to shit in my mouth now, Mistress?"

Ann-Dee set the money down and walked over to me.

She squatted over her former husband's mouth and took a massive shit out of the most perfect ass on earth. No farts. Just a big, long turd that was about a foot long. She watched as i ate it.

"Thank You, Mistress."

"Time to go to your new life, slave."